Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

i dont know what to do


Hi. I’m cody and I’m in high school but I dont feel right about something. I dont know what it is. It’s like there is someting missing, like I want to do all of this stuff in my school, but I’m afraid what people will think and what people would do. I’m afraid if I do these things and they dont like the way I do something or support something that I’m going to be left by myself, alone, scared. For example, I love to wear scarves, I wear them all the time when I’m out with friends ( the few i have) and when I’m out with family, but when I go to school I don’t wear them because I’m afraid that people will start things with me and make me feel like an outcast. I’m afraid that my friends won’t want to be around me. Should I wear this stuff to school or not? I really dont know. I’m confused. I didn’t know life would be so confusing, but if you can help it would be great. ~cody <3

Original letter submitted by:


Hello Cody,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at AskTrevor. It is ok to ask questions about what is right for you Cody. It is always a scary thing to do something if you are not sure how people will react.

People sometimes feel that making fun of someone makes them feel better about themselves. Most of the time it is them hiding from their own fears. There are also people out there who will love you and support you no matter what; People who are willing to listen and hear what you have to say and talk about things you want to do. It is important for you to know that there are places and people around you and here at The Trevor Project that you should feel comfortable talking too. A councelor at your school is a great place to look for someone who you can feel comfortable talking to in person. Like every decision in life, even the scary ones, your choice is ultimately up to you and I would encourage you to do what you feel is right. I always feel that it is great to get other peoples opinions so you get to see a situation form different viewpoints. They might think of things that you have not thought about and it could lead to you coming up with a new idea on your own!

You are also welcome to join our Trevor Space where people just like you have a chance to chat with each other.  You’d be surprised how many people have similar fears and questions!  We offer some advice and words of comfort in our Ask Trevor letters, but your peers also have many helpful words for each other.  We’re all about support and safety of our friends out there.

If you ever feel like you need to speak with someone, please do not hesitate in calling our help line at 1-866-488-7386.

Thank you for writing to us and remember that you always have friends here!