Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

i dont know what to do


Hi. I’m Cody. I’m in high school. I don’t feel right about something, but I don’t know what it is. There is something missing.  I want to do things in my school, but I’m afraid of what people will think and what people would do.

I’m afraid if I do things that they don’t like or support I’m going to be left alone and scared. For example, I love to wear scarves. I wear them all the time when I’m out with friends ( the few I have) and when I’m out with family, but when I go to school I  don’t wear them because I’m afraid people will start trouble with me and make me feel like an outcast. I’m afraid that my friends won’t want to be around me.

I  need help with this. Should I wear what I want to school or not? I really don’t know what to do.  If you can help it would be great. ~Cody <3

Letter submitted by:


Cody, thanks for contacting AskTrevor. It’s understandable that you want to fit in at your school. It also makes sense that you don’t want to do anything that may make your friends and other students avoid you.

It sounds as if you don’t feel safe to be yourself at school. It also sounds as if you think that if you dress the way you want you may be picked on or possibly bullied. You deserve to feel safe at school, no matter what you choose to wear. What you wear is ultimately your decision, but the most important thing to consider is your safety. 

Is there a teacher or counselor at your school that you trust? If so, maybe you can talk with him or her about your fears, especially if anyone has threatened you in any way. Also, there are organizations that have programs that help to make schools safe for all students. The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network is one of those organizations. You can visit their website at www.glsen.com and click on “what we do” to find programs that may help people in your school become more understanding and supportive of you.

You may also want to visit www.trevorspace.com, the Trevor Project’s safe space online. It’s a great place to meet other teens who may have faced similar situations. Also, feel free to reach out to TrevorChat to speak with a chat counselor one-on-one or call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4U-Trevor. The Trevor Project is always here for you if you need to talk.

Trevor Staff