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Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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i dont know what to do


Hi. I’m Cody. I’m in high school. I don’t feel right about something, but I don’t know what it is. There is something missing.  I want to do things in my school, but I’m afraid of what people will think and what people would do.

I’m afraid if I do things that they don’t like or support I’m going to be left alone and scared. For example, I love to wear scarves. I wear them all the time when I’m out with friends ( the few I have) and when I’m out with family, but when I go to school I  don’t wear them because I’m afraid people will start trouble with me and make me feel like an outcast. I’m afraid that my friends won’t want to be around me.

I  need help with this. Should I wear what I want to school or not? I really don’t know what to do.  If you can help it would be great. ~Cody <3

Letter submitted by:


Cody, thanks for contacting AskTrevor. It’s understandable that you want to fit in at your school. It also makes sense that you don’t want to do anything that may make your friends and other students avoid you.

It sounds as if you don’t feel safe to be yourself at school. It also sounds as if you think that if you dress the way you want you may be picked on or possibly bullied. You deserve to feel safe at school, no matter what you choose to wear. What you wear is ultimately your decision, but the most important thing to consider is your safety. 

Is there a teacher or counselor at your school that you trust? If so, maybe you can talk with him or her about your fears, especially if anyone has threatened you in any way. Also, there are organizations that have programs that help to make schools safe for all students. The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network is one of those organizations. You can visit their website at www.glsen.com and click on “what we do” to find programs that may help people in your school become more understanding and supportive of you.

You may also want to visit www.trevorspace.com, the Trevor Project’s safe space online. It’s a great place to meet other teens who may have faced similar situations. Also, feel free to reach out to TrevorChat to speak with a chat counselor one-on-one or call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4U-Trevor. The Trevor Project is always here for you if you need to talk.

Trevor Staff