Ask Trevor

We have transitioned Ask Trevor into a broader, more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies.

Please check out our new FAQ page here:

I don’t know what to do


Since the beginning of last year, I started hanging out with my friend’s friend. We became friends and best friends in short time. She had such bright personality I fell in love with her. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I like her since I already knew I was either bi, lesbian or something like that.

But the problem happened a week or two ago, when she sort of realized that I like her. She started avoiding me. I mean, we still hang out everyday with others, but she wouldn’t talk to me at all, nor look directly at me, avoid being alone together and etc.

It’s been few days like this and I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to her about it? If I was going to, where am I suppose to start from? Thinking about these makes my stomach turn and feel like I’m about to cry. I don’t know why but it does. I’ve been panicking for quite awhile and I feel lost.

I didn’t know where to start from, so I came to Ask Trevor. I hope I at least get bit of idea on what to do next. Sorry if the message was unclear. Thank you very much for reading.

Letter submitted by:


Trevor Staff

Dear Plus,
Relationships often have a way of being just as you describe: You meet someone through a third person, initially get along amazingly – whether there is a sexual component to it or not – and then it all burns out as rapidly as it began – like one of those sparklers people hold during fireworks shows.
But you also indicate that your attraction to her, was more than just female friends – you were sexually attracted to her; but it seems this was not mutual. For whatever reason – her orientation is not yours; or your friendship for her was more than she could reciprocate – the relationship ended. This does not mean anything in regards to your own orientation. That is normal for you and I’m sure eventually you will find someone who is able to respond to your affections.
This was just not meant to be. You could try to make amends, and explain that perhaps you misinterpreted her feelings for you, or that you didn’t mean to come on to her as strongly as you may have done. Or you could just let it go. It won’t be the first time, nor the last time in your life that a relationship begins and ends. It happens to everyone. There is also nothing wrong with feeling a bit of grief over the entire matter, and it’s ok to cry and let it out of your system.
Some bard once said, “It is better to have loved and have lost, than to never have loved at all.”
As the days pass, the intensity of this will as well, and you’re bound to feel better. Moreover, just because this did not end as you wished it to, it does not mean that your next relationship with someone will have the same arc. Don’t let what happened here impact on your future relationships. Learn from it.
Thanks for contacting Ask Trevor.