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Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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I don’t know what to think.

Question:

This is the second letter that I have written to you guys, and while in the first letter I was confused and unsure about my sexuality, in this one I can actually state full knowing that I am bisexual. Although it has taken me a while to come to terms with it, about 3 weeks ago I finally told my parents the truth about myself. I told them that i’m bi. I honestly have to say that their reactions went beyond the ones I had thought out. I had always thought that while my father would be accepting, my grandmother would be in denial, or wouldn’t accept me, or even go as far as kicking me out of the house due to the fact that she’s not so accepting of gays. However, what they both actually told me was that it didn’t change the way they saw me or felt about me and that it wouldn’t change the way they treated me, & so far they have kept their word, everything has stayed the same. But I don’t know what to think about that, I feel like ever there were so many things left unsaid. It’s like if the issue is just totally forgotten by everyone except for me! It just seems as if it didn’t make any major impact like I thought it would. It just feels like I never even came out at all, and I am left not knowing what to do next. Is there anything else to do or say. or am I just being absurd? I don’t know what to think anymore. Please help!

 

Answer:

 

Dear Destiny,

First off, congratulations on coming to terms with your sexuality and coming out to your parents! It takes tremendous courage and self-thought to be able to understand your own sexuality and be out about it. And no you’re not absurd. Many other people may be jealous of your situation, about having your family be accepting of who you are, but when it feels like nothing has changed, we sometimes feel like we lack their recognition, or acknowledgement of who we are as an individual.

Unfortunately, we can’t read other people’s minds, but we don’t necessarily need other people’s recognition of acknowledgement when we’re already at terms with yourself. When your father and grandmother told you that they didn’t feel any different about you, it might not be that they don’t acknowledge it but that they really are in fact accepting of your identity; they may not be letting your sexuality be the only definition of you.

If you feel like things have been left unsaid, a safe and open honest conversation with them may help clear any unresolved feelings you have. It’s not easy to talk about the things we always feel are left unsaid, but sometimes we have to get them off our chest. When something new happens in your life regarding your sexuality, you can try and bringing it up to them when you feel comfortable.

Lastly, try not to overthink it. Sometimes the simplest answer is the real answer. Don’t let other people define the way you feel. If you ever want or need to talk, let one of the persons in your life who you trust a lot such as a teacher, guidance, counselor, or maybe even your own parent if you need too. But just make sure that you feel safe and comfortable. Don’t hesitate to contact us at any of the Trevor project resources, such as TrevorChat, TrevorText (which is available on Fridays 4-8pm eastern at 1-202-304-1200) or even Trevorspace for those who are around your age. Feel free to contact us again at AskTrevor if you need too.

Best wishes,
Ask Trevor