Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I don’t want her to think she losing her child because I’m still the same person


Dear, Trevor
Over the past few months I’ve come out as a transgender male to my mom and she told the rest of the family. Right now I’m still struggling while wanting to live the life I want to (male) and living the life everyone else wants me to (female) but I know what I feel. I feel like me, you know who you are so why must my gender matter. People take it was a joke and it really upsets me. When I bind I feel happy I feel like Spencer my true self. My mom says she accepts, love, and respect me but I don’t believe she really does. I really want to be able to Transtion or get gender therapy but she won’t allow it since I’m “too young” but it’s how I feel. I’m about to enter the 8th grade and I really wanna be able to Transtion into male before HS. She wants me to be both, but I already am. I like girls all over but find boys cute but she wants me to like both not have crush/lust. Is there anyway for her to see that I am who I am. I don’t want her to think she losing her child because I’m still the same person I was before just different sex and gender. Please if you can replay back it would really help.

Sign fellow supporter,
Spencer W.


Hi Spencer, I want to first say to you congratulations on being so confident and coming out. It takes a brave person to do that and I can tell just by your letter that you are very brave. It is great that your
mother has told you that she loves and respects you. Not many people have that. It is understandable that you feel insecure about your mother’s feelings but talk to her about it. You explained yourself so beautifully in this letter that I am sure you can sit down with her and say the exact things. Let her know that you appreciate her love and understanding but she needs to understand a little more. Tell her exactly what you said in this letter about her not losing her child. I’m sure she needs that. Let her know the reasons why you want to do this before high school. But just as much as she should be willing to hear you out, you should also hear her out. She is your mother and she wants what is best for you. Talk to each other and also listen to each other and I’m sure you will come to an agreement.