Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I have no idea what to think anymore.

Question:

These past couple of years have been pretty difficult for me. I graduated high school to get abandoned from my mother who is the only parent I had. My mother just left me alone in a house with bills to pay and I had no job. I rented the rooms and ended up making ends meet. My days were just the same every day and I had no idea where I was going in life. Then after dealing with that for a couple of months I had to try to get a new roommate but it ended up being a scam so I lost my home. My brother then told me to move in with him in Orlando and I went. Afterward, my mother moved there too and made my life miserable and I endured it for a while. In the meantime I got a job and was enjoying my work. The problem though was that I still had my home life that was making me hate myself every day. Finally my boyfriend invited me to move back to my old town and move in with him and his family so I decided to do it. I went to work still because his father worked in Orlando and he gave me a ride. Well my job found out about my move and decided to only make me work about 1-2 times a week. I ended up making a stupid decision and stole money and got caught. I was arrested and my boyfriends family bailed me out. I just feel like I let them all down and I just don’t know what I’m going to do anymore. I won’t be able to find a job because it will say I’m a thief and then I feel like his family and I have this wedge between us and I cant find a good happy moment lately. I just feel lost and I don’t know what to do.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

First off, thank you for having the courage to write in to AskTrevor. It truly shows your commitment to living a more positive life. It sounds like life has thrown you many curveballs, and being abandoned by your mom must have been terrifying. I’m sorry you’ve had to go throughs so much in a short period of time. It sounds like your life has been hectic ever since high school, with moving around, job issues, and guilt about a bad decision. You’re struggling to find a place where you are truly happy. This is a great first step towards the life you want to live, and things will get better.

Overall, you’ve done a great job handling the cards you’ve been dealt. When your mom left you, you rented out the rooms and made ends meet. It’s impressive that you were able to think logically in such a stressful situation. Many people may have wanted to give up, but you fought and continue to fight. Your brother sounds like a great person to have in your life. You know he will be there for you because he offered you a home when you felt hopeless. Continue to nurse that relationship, and remember he will always be on your side. I’m sorry your job took away so many of your hours. That must have been very frustrating. But it’s great that your boyfriend’s family has continued to be there for you through thick and thin. You seem very angry with yourself for making the decision to steal money. I understand how hard it must be to look back and wish you could have made a different choice. But the past is the past. You are human and you  made a mistake. Everyone does. Instead of beating yourself up, try to accept what happened and learn from it in the future. Be thankful that your boyfriend and his family have stuck by your side, even if you feel as if there is a wedge between you. They may also be hurting, and everyone needs time to heal. I know you are worried about finding a job with a crime on your record, but there are jobs out there that will hire you despite the past. It may not be your dream job, but for now, a low salary is better than no salary. Keeping a clean record over the coming years will show employers that your past mistakes are not an accurate representation of who you are today.

You come across as a very strong individual despite feeling lost and alone. The important thing to remember is that you have some great people fighting for you! Your brother, your boyfriend, and your boyfriend’s family will never replace your mom, but they are a fantastic support system regardless. I know it seems like things will never be looking up, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Focus on your support system and those in your life who want you to succeed. Pair that with your own strong determination, and you will make it through.

Many resources online can offer you advice for seeking a job despite a criminal record, and I highly suggest you utilize some of these key points. Also, please remember that The Trevor Project is always here for you. If things get worse and suicide enters your mind, please don’t hesitate to call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR.

Keep your head up,
The Trevor Project