Ask Trevor

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I just don’t know what to do

Question:

I’ve always been depressed, for so long I know. I think it started when I was 8 and my little brother died in a bus accident. I always told my parents I weren’t feeling well but they just ignored me. When I was 10 I started writing down how I wanted to die and that I deserved it. I tried to kill myself once when I was 12, but being young and inexperienced it failed. I tried to cut my wrist but it didn’t work. I don’t trust adults, at all. I just can’t trust them, not even my parents. When I was 14 I realized I was gay and that didn’t make anything easier. I was confused with nowhere to turn, I still am. I’m not bullied, but I’m often left out. Lately suicide has become more and more tempting and I’m really worried. I know if things get bad that I won’t be able to stop myself, but I know I must. I only got one friend and she would not make it if I left her. I want help but I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried going to several psychologists but they just can’t help. I’m worthless, insignificant, helpless and I just don’t know what to do. Is there some way out or should I just take a flight from the closest bridge and hope for the best?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project–it may be difficult to recognize, but it took great strength and courage to send us your letter.  I know you want help and everyone at The Trevor Project wants to help you.

I know you feel that there are no adults that you can trust to talk with, but I want to encourage you to call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor.  You will be able to speak with someone who understands what you are experiencing and has the resources to help you get through it.  If you ever feel like you are going to act on your thoughts of suicide, please get to the nearest hospital emergency room in order to be safe.

Depression can lead to painful thoughts and make you feel isolated from friends and family, it can take away your motivation to do things, and make you not enjoy things you usually like.  Depression can cause people to feel hopeless and helpless–but there are resources to help you treat your depression and live the life you deserve.  On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and treatment options.  You can also reach out to the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists at www.aglpa.org for help finding someone in your area to talk and work with.

You are so much stronger than what you are going through, and we want to help you find that strength.  You are a good person who knows there are people in your life that need you and love you–even though it can sometimes feel like they don’t.  Please call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor to talk with us, we want to hear from you and we want to help you.

Trevor Staff