Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

i need help coming out

Question:

Hello,

This is the first time that I have talked about this since I tried to tell one of my friends a couple of weeks ago. I am bisexual and I have been wanting to come out for a while now. I am scared to because I know that some people, including close friends of mine are homophobic along with some of my family members, and I”m scared that if I were to come out I would lose some of my closest friends. I have also been dealing with family problems and I don’t want the coming out thing to add on top of what I have to deal with my family. Sometimes while I am at school some people bring up the topic of LGBTQ people; I do not have a problem talking about the subject but some of the things that they say make me rethink about coming out. In my community people aren’t really understanding of people like me, I know that every one has their own opinion but we are still people and I don’t see why we are sometimes treated differently. If you can help in any way that you can? Thank you for your help

-Gaby H.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi Gaby:

Thank you so much for writing to us, it is incredibly brave to reach out to someone to talk about something as difficult as coming out. Coming out is a very personal decision, so know that there is no rush or time table to when you “should” come out. What is most important is making sure you are safe and comfortable. How is it for you to think that important people in your life may not be as accepting or supportive if you came out? Perhaps it could feel really disappointing or rejecting, so you may be scared to tell friends or family. When you do decide when to come out to either friends and or family, it can feel like a tremendous boulder is off your shoulders. Coming out can be an opportunity to allow important in your life into your life. Although a difficult experience for some, it can be truly freeing and allow you to no longer feel alone. But again, this decision to come out is on your time, and there is no rush.

You have already taken the first step to helping yourself, you have reached out to someone for support and guidance. Is there anyone you know, perhaps an older peer/friend, teacher, guidance counselor that you feel comfortable talking to about coming out? You may be experiencing stress, anxiety, sadness, or other feelings. Perhaps if you have someone in your life that you could talk to, you may feel less of these taxing emotions.

Here are a few online resources for you. They are from various organizations that provide some information on coming out, questions you may ask yourself, and how to tell friends and family. PFLAG, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbian and Gays has some great resources: www.PFLAG.org, and click on “Get Support.” Another great website is the Human Rights Campaign. Here’s a link to a great resource: http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf

Remember, coming out is completely based on your time, and there is no rush. You have to feel safe and comfortable first. But know, that you are beautiful who exactly who you are, and that your sexuality is only a small piece of you. If you need to speak to someone on the phone, feel free to call the hotline: 866-4-U-Trevor. You are loved.

Trevor Staff