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Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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i need help figuring out if i am a lesbian or not

Question:

I think I might be gay but I am not sure. I still like guy’s physical appearance but I like the idea of being a lesbian. I went to the rodeo with my family I didn’t want to go and my friend got to go. The girl sitting beside was obliviously a lesbian and I was attracted to her. I knew that I was but I didn’t think about it for a while. When, we were leaving I saw her holding hands with another girl and my heart dropped. I was in shock. After that night I didn’t really think about it and then we were driving down the road a couple weeks ago I saw me holding hands with this girl in my class. After that I stumbled across the Mary Lamber song ”She Keeps Me Warm”. While listing to it I was crying I was I don’t know. I like boys also so I can’t quite figure that out. I don’t know if I like the idea because it is not society’s idea of ” normal”. I don’t know if I am drawn to the idea because I like being different. I guess what I want is someone to tell me if I am a lesbian or not.

 

Answer:

Dear Kassie:

 

From your letter I gather that you are questioning your attraction to girls and wonder if you are a lesbian. You still appreciate a guy’s physical appearance. Lately you have looked at other girls and found them attractive. You have thought of holding hands with a girl from your class. The song She Keeps Me Warm spoke to you emotionally, but you still like boys. You are looking for answers. I appreciate the fact that you are brave enough to reach out to AskTrevor.

 

Sexual orientation is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of the other sex), gay/lesbian (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to both men and women).  Consider thinking of both boys and girls in the terms just described. Do you have emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions about just boys or just girls or both.  Who fills your fantasies?  Your orientation is something only you can decide.Your answers to the above questions may be just consideration or an indication of sexual orientation.  It’s OK if you don’t have the answer right now.  You have plenty of time to figure it out

There are websites you can turn for more information. Look for a Pflag in your area www.pflag.org . On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177  you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” or on www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. Check out Advocates for Youth at www.advocatesforyouth.org start here http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/topics-issues/glbtq/606?task=view. There is also About.com GLBT Teens http://gayteens.about.com/.  Perhaps you can turn to a close friend family member, or school counselor and discuss things with them.  If you need support or just want to talk The Trevor Project is here for you.  Check out www.trevorspace.org  it’s a safe place where you can network with others who might have the same issues and questions you have. You can always write back to AskTrevor.  Remember you have time to figure this out there is no rush.The Trevor Project is here for you we got your back.

 

Regards

AskTrevor