Hello there, I do not know who is reading this, but it doesn’t matter who, I just need help. I am not a lesbian, as I know of, this is not what this letter is mainly about, actually I am not sure on my sexual orientation, this is not what this letter is about. Lately, I have had suicidal thoughts. Nothing major where I am tempted to do anything, I just think about how it wouldn’t matter if this world had me on it or not. I am getting in a lot of fights with friends lately. Like today for example, I was on twitter and I tweeted “friends”. Just like that, then one of my “friends” saw it and posted, “wow you are so fucking obvious, can i just punch you in the throat.” i had no idea what to do…i feel so alone and I feel nobody understands me and wants me. I broke down crying and I am now thinking nobody cares about me, please help I feel so alone
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First please know that we here at Trevor care about you. If you ever need someone to talk to, we’re always here for you. I am sorry that you are feeling so lonely and that you are having trouble with friends on Twitter. Please know that you have the right to feel safe and that no one ever has the right to bully or abuse you in any way, even if it’s online. As far as how to deal with the mean comments you are receiving on Twitter (or anywhere else), you could start by talking with an adult at school such as a the principal, school counselor or school administrator or your parents as it is their job to make sure you and others are not being harassed or bullied. You deserve to be treated as the wonderful person you are.
I’m also worried that you feel it wouldn’t matter if you were here or not, because it does matter, and the world is better with you in it, even though it may not feel that way. You might be experiencing depression, which makes things a little more difficult. When you’re depressed, it can be very painful to feel and can make you isolate from your friends and family, cause you to be tired all the time and take away your motivation to do things, make you not enjoy the things you usually like to do, make you sleep and eat much less or much more than usual, and make you see everything in your life in a negative way. Sometimes the depression can get so bad it can make a person think of ending their life. Sometimes people think about ending their life when they’re feeling very depressed, feel hopeless that things will get better and helpless to make things better in their life. On http://www.us.reachout.com, you’ll find facts about depression by clicking on ‘struggles with feelings. Please know that there is treatment for depression and suicide including medication and/or therapy. It can help to talk with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling and going through including your thoughts of wanting to die and feeling like you don’t matter and the world would be better if you weren’t in it and the mean comments you are receiving online in order to get the correct treatment to help you to feel better and to help you see choices and options you may not be aware that you have. On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment.
I know you said you weren’t thinking about acting on your feelings, but I would still ask you to talk to an adult you trust about your feelings. If there’s no one they feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. I would also suggest looking into Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org, the Trevor Project’s safe online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same experiences you are and can give you a safe place to land and find a place where you will feel understood and cared about.
Just remember, The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace and AskTrevor are all places where you can visit and feel safe and loved. Please remember we are always here for you and you are a beautiful person who is cared about.