Ask Trevor

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I need help with my gender identity!!!

Question:

I am a biological girl, and I feel that on the inside i am a boy. I always truly felt this way but held it in for so long. I recently told my mom that I feel this way and she got me therapy, but that wasnt enough. my dad always tells me i should start dressing like “the girl that I am” (he doesnt know how I feel yet). I need help because i want to be an actor when i grow up, i also have a youtube channel youtube.com/user/bluebongos7 and figured it would be a way for me to express my self. And i have always looked up to Tyler Oakley, Shaycarl, and Joey Graceffa. They something help me through my tough times but not always. SO, PLEASE HELP ME!!! TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Rileigh:

Thank you so much for reaching out to us here at The Trevor Project. It sounds like you are really going through a tough time right now and I’m really glad you felt comfortable reaching out to us here. What you’re feeling is completely normal though - there are so many other people who are struggling with the same feelings – I promise you are not alone! It must be really tough with your mom not being supportive of how you’re feeling about your gender identity – remember, you know how you feel, no one else does. Regardless of what your parents say, the most important thing is that you’re being honest with yourself about how you feel. Doing this takes a ton of strength, it can be scary, uncomfortable, and really unsettling but going through all these feelings and emotions will help you figure out who you are and how you feel comfortable identifying.

I am really glad that you did take the first step in telling your mom how you feel – obviously it’d be great if she was more supportive but it takes so much strength to be this honest. It may be helpful to give her some resources to read about what you’re feeling. You should always remember that people’s first reactions to your sexual orientation or gender identity is not usually their last reaction. Sometimes our friends and family need to understand what we’re going through before they understand how to support us in the best way possible. Giving them some resources may be helpful – Trans Youth Family Allies is a great place to start (www.imatyfa.org). TYFA is a website where there are great resources for parents about creating a supportive environment for you. Under the “Resources” tab across the top of the webpage you’ll see a “For Parents” section.

It can also be really helpful for you to develop a supportive community of people you can talk to about how you’re feeling. Being around other people who are struggling with the same concerns and thoughts can be really helpful in talking through how you feel and what it means to you. If you haven’t heard of TrevorSpace yet, its the Trevor Project’s social networking website for LGBTQ youth and their allies. It’s a great place to find support and friends who feel the same way you do. It’s also important to be patient with yourself. Although you have a lot of questions, and seemingly not many answers, you can’t force yourself to figure out how you feel – you will though. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. It may take a week, or a month, or how you identify may change as you get older, but regardless, all you can do is be honest with yourself about how you feel and go from there. I hope you are able to find the beauty and strength in your honesty. You are remarkable!

Lastly, remember, we are always here for you any time day or night at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, on TrevorChat, and thru our new TrevorTexting program. You are beautiful exactly who you are!

Thanks,

The Trevor Project