Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I ruined my relationship

Question:

Gage and I have been dating since last July 28.  I met him this summer but we were just friends.  We started dating July 28 and got engaged August 2013.  I made a mistake.  I made a fake account to see if he was cheating on me.  I found out that he was not cheating on me.  I feel bad about myself.  Gage is pissed that I did this.  He said that he cannot forgive me and he is done with me.  I still love him.  He hasn’t talked to me since we broke up.

He still cares about me. He hasn’t text me since three weeks ago. Help me?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hello:

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us regarding your situation with Gage. We are very sorry to hear that you are feeling badly about yourself. We all make mistakes. It is a part of being human. You recognized that you made a mistake, you acknowledged it, and you asked to be forgiven for it. That’s a big acknowledgement and we commend you for owning that. Since it is absolutely your choice alone to determine what is right for you, here are just a few thoughts you may want to consider.

You stated that Gage said that he could not forgive you. Not being forgiven can be difficult to experience. Did your apology to him for what you did include the reason(s) why you made the fake account in the first place? If not, consider telling him the reason(s) because sometimes others need to know exactly what caused us to make decisions we made, whether or not they agree with it. It might not change the outcome but at least he would know all the facts that led to your decision. Consider sharing everything that is in your heart if you haven’t already, since you stated you are still in love with him and he still cares about you. And, have you thought about forgiving Gage for not forgiving you? If not, doing this may bring satisfaction to you as you allow for things to unfold.

In closing, It is very important that you forgive yourself and not continue to beat yourself up about your mistake. We cannot control the actions of others…only our own. TrevorSpace is available for support – “TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your relationship.” And just remember if there’s no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week and TrevorChat. We are always here for you.

The Trevor Project