Ask Trevor

We have transitioned Ask Trevor into a broader, more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies.

Please check out our new FAQ page here: http://TrevorSupportCenter.org

I think I might be bi…

Question:

Hi,
I have a little bit of a dilemma. Well, I’m not sure I would call it a dilemma, per se, but it is a problem. I think I’m bi.

My whole life I’ve crushed solely on guys. I am sexually attracted to both genders, I know that, but I wasn’t really sure if that qualified as bi until now. I now have a huge crush on a girl. She’s a little older than me, and really pretty and honestly hot, but I have a huge crush on guy as well. This has left me somewhat confused, but at the end of the day, I am bi. I’ve really only just admitted this to myself. So there’s just one problem. I have a hard time talking to my parents, and even though I know that they’re pro-gay rights, I don’t think I can come out to them right now. I’d really rather come out to a close friend. I tell my friends everything, so I feel bad to keep this piece of me a secret. This is one friend I really am sure I can trust, and she has amazing advice and is a great listener. It just feels like everyone has been pouring their problems out to her, and I don’t want to make her more stressed. Also, I really don’t know how, although I’d like to do so over IM.

So actually it’s four problems. A. Is it okay not to want to tell my parents right now? B. Is it ok to tell this to this friend. C. Is IM an okay way to come out? And D. How do I come out anyway?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi!  What a great letter!  With your words, you convey a strong sense of attention to your feelings and attractions. Your honesty and self awareness will serve you well.   Everyone goes through a period of self-discovery regarding their sexuality.  It can be wondrous and confusing all at the same time.  Many people ask these very questions.  Unfortunately, there is no “test” to determine.  (Perhaps, that is quite fortunate.)

Regarding your questions,  Here are links to some resources that can help create this plan. (http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/1290.html) (http://www.deafqueer.org/resources/support/coming_out/art/Resource_Guide.pdf) These guides will help you craft a plan of what to say when you think its the right time to tell your friend. Remember of all else this is a process that can only be done when you know its the right time for you.

Being honest about your feelings (you are already gaining big points here) and finding  comfort with your identity will inform your conclusion.  In the mean time, there are some great resources which will provoke thought and guide you in your discovery.

We also encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust-friend, relative, or a counselor of some sort. TrevorSpace is available for support and can help with your questions – “TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.” And just remember if there’s no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week and TrevorChat.  We are always here for you.

Trevor Staff