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I think I’m bi and my parents wouldn’t like it

Question:

Well, I’ve always thought I was straight but lately I’ve had some doubts. I think I might girls too, and that scares me. I’m not sure about this yet and I hope experience will make that clear for me. But if I’m bi it means that I’ll have to come out someday (I know I actually shouldn’t, I mean, why do I need to “come out”, my sexuality is no one’s bussiness but whatever). I’ve been thinking of this and I guess my friends would be ok with it, they have nothing against lgbt comunity, maybe they would feel awkward at first but then they’d get used to it. My family (aunts, uncles, cousins) would also support me, actually they are the ones who would support me the most probably)
But the ones I care the most, wouldn’t be fine with this. My parents. They try to seem “modern” and say that gay isn’t wrong, but at the same time they say it’s not natural, which is why gay mariage shouldn’t be legal (ha, it’s legal where I live, so suck that one mommy). At least my mom says that, I ve no idea of which is my father’s opinion. I know they’re homophobic and ignorant, but they’re my parents and I love them and I don’t want to lose them. Besides, as I said before, I’m not even sure of what I am, my head is a mess and I can’t think of other things.

 

Answer:

 

Hi!

Thanks so much for contacting The Trevor Project – I think I’ll be able to help you sort out your feelings a bit.

It sounds like you’ve got two issues going on: first of all, you say you think you may be bisexual and that scares you; and second, you’re wondering about how to come out to people, specifically to your parents.

Naming your sexual orientation/identity is completely up to you. Some people like to specify their orientation (gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer) while others choose to not specify it (“I’m attracted to the person, not the gender of that person”). Whichever way you choose to go is right for you. A “bisexual” person is physically and emotionally attracted to people of all genders, sometimes in equal ways, sometimes more to one gender than another. You can be involved with a boy for a while, then a girl, or you may choose to only get involved with one gender or the other even though you’re attracted to both. Bisexual people, just like anyone else, can commit to one partner if that’s what they want to do. A few good references that might help you figure out if you are bisexual are, first, http://bisexual.org/qna_categories/all-categories/ , the Q&A section of Bisexuality.org. Second, The Trevor Project has put together a brochure entitled “Coming Out as You!” : the PDF for the brochure is http://s.bsd.net/trevor/default/page/-/files/resources/ComingOutAsYou.pdf . There is also a short page of the brochure about bisexuality – it’s at http://s.bsd.net/trevor/default/page/-/files/resources/ComingOutAsBisexual.pdf .

Regarding coming out – as you said, it’s really no one’s business but yours what your sexual orientation is. Telling others allows them to know the real you better, allows you to be more genuine in your relationships with them. However, you get to choose who you want to tell, when and why. Some people come out to lots of friends and family members around the same time, others take it much more slowly. How you choose to do that, and who you want to tell, is the right way for you. You can talk to friends and family while you’re trying to figure it out, if you’d like, or you can wait until you feel more sure of how you want to name your identity. I understand that you love your parents and don’t want to chance losing them – for many of us, telling our parents was the hardest part of coming out. YouthResource.org has a good page with thoughts about coming out to your parents at http://amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/youthresource-comingout . I think that a really good point this page makes is that it may take your parents a while to understand your orientation (as it took you a while to figure it out for yourself). Know that they might have a difficult time when you do come out to them, and make sure you’ve got other friends or family members available for support if your parents aren’t immediately welcoming of this new (to them) you. And as I said, you don’t have to tell them until you want to – there’s no timeline for this process and however you choose to do it is right for you.

Thanks again for contacting The Trevor Project. If you’d like, you can always call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, or go to TrevorSpace (trevorspace.org), the social network site for LGBTQ teens and young adults, where you can meet up with other teens going through the same things you are. Good luck with this process, and enjoy the adventures to come!

The Trevor Team