Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

I wanted to cry

Question:

Dear Trevor,
My name is Katt, and I’m a 16 year old girl. Last year, I came out to my friends about my bisexuality. They seemed okay with it, but others kind of shrunk away. You see, I go to a high school of jerks and wanna be gangstas. It’s hard to be accepted there.
But now it’s even harder now that I’m in the 10th grade. My third period is fashion class (something I never wanted in the first place) and there are these girls that make fun of me just because I am the only “white” girl there. They always talk to me in this condescending way that sounds like some random chick at the mall. You know, like a valley girl. These girls always picked on me for the way I dressed, the way I carried myself, and even the music chose to listen to during the hour.
Things got pretty bad when they found out we had gay kids in our school. they kept making these crude comments about homosexual sex being gross and how it was a sin against god. When they said this, I wanted to cry. It made me think back to Tyler Clementi (RIP) and how his roommate had been so heartless. I told them I was bisexual to make them feel ashamed, and it backfired. They kept asking me about these sexual positions they thought girls got in and if I did them. Even though I’ve only had 1 girlfriend and I’d been too scared to ask her to go further.

Ever since then, the teasing has gotten slightly worse. I have no real friends in third period and the school wouldn’t let me transfer out of there in the 2nd semester because it was a full year course. I didn’t tell anybody about the bullying. That would’ve made things worse because these girls might get mad and have me beat up or something. At least that’s what I fear. I dread going to 3rd period and my only solitude is the school library where I have become a frequent customer.

Trevor, I feel so alone all the time. I know you must know how I feel. My stomach tightens every time I step in the classroom. I hate every second of it. Truthfully, I sometimes think of ditching and getting caught on purpose just to get the message across. But the fear that my parents will interfere always stops me since they have no clue about what I am. Please help me. I can’t even ask my friends because I fear they’ll get in trouble for me, and I just can’t accept that. My depression has worsened in the past year and I resorted to cutting, telling, my family the cat did it. I need your help Trevor.

Right now, you’re the only person I can really turn to.

Submitted by

Answer:

Hi Katt, I understand how you feel. Even though it is a much better time to come out now than before, there are still intolerant people out there who wish to hurt and bully you. But no matter what, always remember that you are NEVER alone. You have an army of people behind you, supporting and lifting you up, including myself. Always remember that you have the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and you can meet new friends from all over the US at TrevorSpace.

As much as you are against it, you have every right to feel safe in your school, and I encourage you to talk to a trusted adult at school, such as a principal, school counselor, or school administrator. It is their job to ensure your safety. For more information on anti-bullying, you can visit glsen.org and find programs such as the Day of Silence, or how to start and strengthen a Gay-Straight Alliance in your school. You can also call the Trevor Project at 310-271-8845 about bring a Lifeguard workshop program to your school (on our main page, click on “Read More”, and under “Parents and Educators”, you’ll find more info on this dynamic program where WE come to your school and teach how language and behavior can have a positive or negative impact.

People cut themselves as a way to deal with or manage pain or overwhelming stress. These ae emotions you’ve conveyed in your letter, the depression and sadness of feeling alone and scared. But while self-harm might provide a temporary relief, it leads to permanent scarring, infections, maybe even life-threatening injuries if you cut a major blood vessel. It can also make you feel guilty and more depressed. Some better alternatives to self-injury are hitting a pillow, stomping around in heavy shoes, ripping newspapers, or flattening aluminum cans (safely, of course) when you’re angry. If you cut yourself when you’re sad, spent time with your friends and family, eat your favorite food or snacks, wirte in a journal or draw/paint. Run ourdoors and be more active. If cutting helps you not feel numb, try holding a cube of ice or stamp your feet on the ground. Visit safe-alternatives.com and talk to a trusted adult either at your school, or call us at the Trevor Lifeline (866-4-U-TREVOR) if you feel like there’s no other choice but to cut yourself.

Remember, you are never alone.