Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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I’m confused?

Question:

Ok so this girl told me that she likes me a lot, but I’m straight or I don’t know. I was with this boy for nearly 2 years and we loved each other but I didn’t work out :/ Anyways when she told me I was surprised, but now I’m looking at her completely differently. I mean we text and call each other babe and everything, but that’s nothing. I don’t think? But I only see her in school and her ex is in the school and when she tells me about her or anyone else I just get really jealous and I don’t even know why? I would really appreciate it if you could help me out :) Thank you

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Aoife,

I’m glad you wrote. Being confused and not knowing who you are is a very normal thing, and asking for help about something as daunting as this is a courageous thing.

You say you were surprised when this girl told you she likes you a lot, so I would guess you’ve never thought of being attracted to girls in some way before, and I think this is where your confusion starts. Yet, you feel jealous when this girls talks about other people, so you have some sort of feelings for her. Who you are attracted to is a complicated thing that can change over time and is different for everybody. Maybe you are attracted to girls and it just never clicked in your head until she said something. Maybe you’re not attracted to girls, but there’s something about her that makes you feel differently. Maybe after breaking up with your boyfriend of nearly two years you are just looking for something, and when this girl said she likes you a lot you latched on to it. Maybe its something completely different.

But more important than that is that any and all of those is perfectly normal and valid. What’s key is that you have some feelings for this girl. How do those feelings make you feel? Do you like being around her and texting her? Are you comfortable with how she makes you feel? You’ve got something here, whatever it is, so explore it, because I think it will help you discover who you are. When you feel comfortable with this girl, be open with her, but always be open with yourself. Do you have a trusted friend you feel comfortable talking to about this? Getting an outside opinion can often help. Do you know about TrevorSpace, the safe online social space at http://trevorspace.org? There you can chat other people your age, who have gone through the same thing, and their opinion may help you too. And remember, you can always write us here at Ask Trevor.

Trevor Staff