Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

I’m confused about my sexuality

Question:

Hi,

I’m wondering if you could help me out. I don’t know if I’m straight or lesbian or bi or whatever. I always was always interested in guys but lately I’ve really started becoming closer with one of my friends and I’m starting to feel attracted to her. What does that mean?

Thanks for your help!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

 

Hi,

 

We’re glad you wrote to us, as it often takes a bit of courage to ask when you start to question your sexuality. You were wise in reaching out for answers. Heck, just to figure out one’s own feelings and interests can make for a confusing time in your life. And this is normal for most people, because there are no set answers. We are all individuals, all with our own unique personalities and traits. So what you are feeling is pretty normal in this respect.

 

Kinsey felt we all are a point on a line somewhere between 0 and 6, one end being totally gay, the other being totally straight, and 3 being equally bisexual. I think we each are more like a segment of that line (some having longer lines than others), and that we can comfortably move from one end of our line segment to the other. Those who’s sexuality lies across the middle of the scale can find their attractions swing freely from straight to gay and back, and this can lead to confusion if you’re experiencing it for the first time.

 

But generally speaking, in figuring out whether one is gay, straight, or bi more specifically involves what’s strongest about one’s emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), or people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). To find yourself attracted to your same-sex friend may or may not be an indicator as to your sexuality, so you’ll have to gauge your feelings for her on all these levels.

 

It can also help to think about whom in general you have crushes on and about who you fantasize being with: girls, boys or both. On http://www.bisexual.org  you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. But whatever you eventually decide is ok, as your sexuality is part of your own unique character, and you are entitled to be true to yourself, whatever that may be. Also, if you feel comfortable with talking to an adult with whom you can trust with this subject, like a guidance councilor, teacher,  or friend, it may help you handle this issue.  Just be careful with whom you entrust with this information.

 

You can also go to our own TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

 

Hopefully all this information will be helpful in your journey of self-discovery. If you need further guidance or help in any way, feel free to write to us again. And even if you just want to let us know how you’re doing, we’d love to hear from you again. Best wishes!

Trevor Staff