Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

I’m Confused and Really Insecure

Question:

I’m 16 and new here… I saw this website on Anderson Cooper and wanted to know if it could help. I’m so tired of being what I am, but I can’t find a clear state of mind. I’m not suicidal, but I am really confused. Am I gay for thinking boys are hot? But then why do I have feelings for a girl? I don’t think I’m bi? Uggg, help!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hello,

Let me begin by thanking you for reaching out to AskTrevor. It took a lot of courage to do so and we’re very happy to welcome you into our support network.

You should know that the feelings you are having are completely normal. Everyone questions their sexuality at some point in their lives. For some, though, it can be a long process. You should know that you aren’t going to be able to decide whether you are gay, straight, or bisexual in a day. It’s something that you will take a lot of time to figure out. Don’t rush yourself. Instead, give yourself the time you need to really question what it is that you want and who you want it from.

You said in your letter that you are tired of being what you are.  I ask you to please be easier on yourself. Recognize that “normal” isn’t just being straight, but also being gay and bisexual too. You are going through a time of immense personal growth in your life. This time is very difficult. You need to be your own best friend during these hard times, rather than your own worst enemy.

There are many resources you might find helpful. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you’ll find the brochure, “I Think I Might Be Gay…Now What Do I Do?”  And on http://www.bisexual.org, you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may be of great comfort to you.

I would also recommend that you find someone that you know you can trust—maybe a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a counselor—and talk to them about how you are feeling. A lot of people find it very comforting to be able to be open about their questions with someone they actually know.

At the same time, we always encourage you to continue to look towards the Trevor Project for any help that you need. You can either write back to AskTrevor, use TrevorChat, or check out TrevorSpace, our safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 and their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having. You can find TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org.

Again, thank you for reaching out to AskTrevor. Know that you are greatly loved.

Best,

Trevor Staff