Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I’m Confused and Really Insecure

Question:

I’m 16 and new here… I saw this website on Anderson Cooper and wanted to know if it could help. I’m so tired of being what I am, but I can’t find a clear state of mind. I’m not suicidal, but I am really confused. Am I gay for thinking boys are hot? But then why do I have feelings for a girl? I don’t think I’m bi? Uggg, help!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hello,

Let me begin by thanking you for reaching out to AskTrevor. It took a lot of courage to do so and we’re very happy to welcome you into our support network.

You should know that the feelings you are having are completely normal. Everyone questions their sexuality at some point in their lives. For some, though, it can be a long process. You should know that you aren’t going to be able to decide whether you are gay, straight, or bisexual in a day. It’s something that you will take a lot of time to figure out. Don’t rush yourself. Instead, give yourself the time you need to really question what it is that you want and who you want it from.

You said in your letter that you are tired of being what you are.  I ask you to please be easier on yourself. Recognize that “normal” isn’t just being straight, but also being gay and bisexual too. You are going through a time of immense personal growth in your life. This time is very difficult. You need to be your own best friend during these hard times, rather than your own worst enemy.

There are many resources you might find helpful. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you’ll find the brochure, “I Think I Might Be Gay…Now What Do I Do?”  And on http://www.bisexual.org, you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may be of great comfort to you.

I would also recommend that you find someone that you know you can trust—maybe a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a counselor—and talk to them about how you are feeling. A lot of people find it very comforting to be able to be open about their questions with someone they actually know.

At the same time, we always encourage you to continue to look towards the Trevor Project for any help that you need. You can either write back to AskTrevor, use TrevorChat, or check out TrevorSpace, our safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 and their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having. You can find TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org.

Again, thank you for reaching out to AskTrevor. Know that you are greatly loved.

Best,

Trevor Staff