Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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I’m confused if I like boys

Question:

So I think I am bisexual kinda. This is what I’m confused about I know most definitely I love girls but I’m not too sure I like boys. I don’t like kissing them I can’t have sex with them. It’s just confusing, but I have never questioned me liking girls now I can kiss girls have sex with them and all I just can’t do that with boys. I am just starting to think I’m a lesbian.

 

Answer:

 

Dear Shawntay

You tell me in your letter that you think you may be bisexual. You are confused about whether you really like boys. Kissing and having sex with girls is not a problem but you don’t think you would like to do that with boys. So you believe you maybe lesbian. I am glad you were able to put your thoughts into a letter to Ask Trevor.

The feelings you have can be intense, confusing, sometimes even overwhelming. You are beginning to discover what it means to be attracted romantically and physically to others. And recognizing one’s sexual orientation is part of that process. Sexual orientation is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of the other sex), gay/lesbian (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to more than one gender). Consider thinking of both boys and girls in the terms just described. Do you have emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions about just boys or just girls or both. Who fills your fantasies? Whether or not you are lesbian or bisexual is something only you can decide. Your answers to the above questions may be just consideration or an indication of sexual orientation. It’s OK if you don’t have the answer right now. You have plenty of time to figure it out. In your letter you said you definitely liked kissing and having sex with girls. Safe sex is very important even for lesbians check http://www.autostraddle.com/safe-sex-for-lesbians-45382/ and if you are not having sex remember you have time to decide this too there is no rush. Whatever is happening in your life make sure that you are safe and in a safe place.

There are some websites that can give could information. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemi=177 you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. Check out www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. Check out Advocates for Youth at http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/ start here http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/topics-issues/glbtq/606?task=view There is also About.com GLBT Teens http://gayteens.about.com/ Perhaps you can turn to a close friend family member, or school counselor and discuss things with them. If you need support or just want to talk The Trevor Project is here for you. Check out www.trevorspace.org it’s a safe place where you can network with others who might have the same issues and questions you have. There is TrevorChat available 7 days a week from 4:00pm to 8:00pm Eastern time. If you need a safe place to talk there is always Trevor Lifeline 1-866-488-7386 available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. At all of these places you will find a trained volunteer who is ready to listen. You can always write back to Ask Trevor. Remember you have time to figure these things out there is no rush. The Trevor Project is always here for you.

Respectfully Yours
AskTrevor