Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

I’m Questioning Myself and I Need Help

Question:

Hello,

I’ve been having questions. I normally identify myself as straight, however, I sometimes find myself somewhat attracted to other females. I’ve had crushes on boys before, but not any girls that I’ve figured out as a crush. I’ve never had a boyfriend, nor a girlfriend. I guess I’ve been able to see myself with guys, but I’ve never been able to see myself with another girl, but I still feel like I’m attracted to them. I’m questioning and I need help figuring this out, thank you.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Kitty,

Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project.  Terms such as ‘straight’, ‘lesbian’ and ‘bisexual’ are labels we use to describe the sometimes complex feelings we have towards others.  There is no rush to figure out what label to accept.  Most people your age do question their feelings at some point, it is a normal thing.   In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.

On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view &id=730&Itemid=177, you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” which may help you with your questions about the attraction you occasionally feel towards other girls.  Also, on http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then ”Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help.  You may wish to talk about your feelings and your questions with someone you trust – this may be a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor.   You may find it helpful to visit TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.

Remember, this is only a beginning and there is no rush to figure out a label to put on your feelings and attractions.  We are always available to talk to at The Trevor Project’s Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 (1-844-4U-TREVOr).  Also, there are more resources at our website http://www.thetrevorproject.org, including links to TrevorChat, which is a live chat where issues around sexual orientation can be discussed.

Thank You,

Trevor Staff