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I really need some help. I was recently dumped by my boyfriend Shae. We had been in a really devoted and loving relationship, more so than I’ve ever been in or even seen with someone else, for nearly three months. I really loved him, and he loved me. I suppose it sounds implausible for a freshman in highschool to really love someone, but you’re just going to have to trust that I know what I’m talking about.
But about a month ago he started acting really weird. He was very withdrawn from everything. He didn’t joke around, he didn’t hold my hand anymore (which is something he would insist on doing), and he hardly talked, to me or anyone. Several times I asked him if he was okay, but he would insist that he was just fine, that he was tired, and other excuses like that. But about a week later he told me that it would be best if we were just friends. For about two weeks I was absolutely devastated, and I thought my life was over. But then I started thinking.
His brother has cancer, and his grandfather died from cancer. What kind of cancer it is, I don’t know. I remember him having weird things happen to him before, like one time he missed half of school because he was getting his blood drawn. Normally that wouldn’t be all that weird for me to hear, because I have hypothyroidism and get my blood drawn every three or four months, except that he got thirteen vials taken from him. There was another time that he couldn’t come to school at all because his arm wouldn’t move on its own. I don’t know if these things are related, or if I’m just being irrational, but I’m really scared that he may be sick.
I have a friend that is really close to him as well, and they talk about he and I a lot, and she said he said he’s been ignoring me because he doesn’t want to remember everything we’ve been through, that he’s still in love with me and it’s too hard for him. It would be easier for me, and I’d be a little less scared, if he would be angry with me, or tell me that I’m a skank and I’m not worth his time, or if he were cheating on me or something, but the fact that he still loves me scares the hell out of me, pardon my language. I have really bad attachment issues because my mother allowed me to be raped by some guy she met in a bar and then up and left, so if anything were to happen to Shae, I may lose it.
I talked to someone on the Trevor Lifeline, and she said I should have him call it , but I told him that and he refused. I don’t know what else to do, and I’m scared out of my mind. Someone, please, help me.
~ Mae Flower
Hi Mae Flower,
I’m so glad that you wrote about everything that you’re feeling and going through because it helps me get to know you better. What I can see from your letter is that you are truly an amazing, incredible person, someone who had the strength and courage to reach out and share your story. You show what an incredibly smart person you are reaching out for help and support when you’re in such an emotionally hard place. That you’re fighting for you because you’re definitely worth fighting for and that you found The Trevor Project and wrote to Ask Trevor for help and support.
Please know that we at The Trevor Project care about you and believe that you’re a very special person, someone who knows how important it is to reach out for help when you’re in such a painful place.
Although you only said you might ‘lose it’, if you ever have thoughts of killing yourself, it’s very important for your safety that you immediately tell a trusted adult such as a parent, friend’s parent, relative, teacher, school counselor or doctor about your thoughts of suicide order to keep you safe. If you ever feel you’re going to act again on those thoughts, immediately call 911 or get to your nearest hospital emergency room.
If there’s no one you feel comfortable talking with or would like more support, you could call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. Our caring, understanding and supportive counselors are here to talk with you about everything you’re feeling and going through and want to do whatever is needed to keep you safe.
What happened with you at the bar is not OK and no one deserves to be treated that way. You do deserve additional support and the Rape, Abuse, and Incest Nation Network (RAINN) is a good place to start. You can find them here: http://www.rainn.org/ .
It makes sense that you are scared. Anyone would be worried given these circumstances. It sounds like he has not been very responsive which makes the situation tough, but maybe you can try and think of ways to cope with these feelings. As you go through this difficult time, it can be helpful and would be important to get the support you need. You could join TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and straight allies. It’s a great supportive community, where you can connect and chat with young people all over, get support and learn what’s helped others dealing with similar issues. TrevorSpace also has a discussion forum called Support and Advise where you can post questions and discuss what you’re going through with thousands of other LGBTQ young people on http://www.trevorspace.org/forum/cat.php?id=9&sort=.
You are clearly a very strong person and this is a difficult experience. Please know that you are not alone even though it may feel like it. Please continue to reach out for help and support and to fight for you because you’re definitely worth fighting for. Remember that you can always find support from other young people on TrevorSpace, write to us on Ask Trevor, or call the Trevor Lifeline 24 hours, 7 days a week.