Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

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i’m scared

Question:

Dear Trevor,

I have tried going out with boys and girls but I still haven’t been able to find “the one”.  I am just sick and tired about getting my heart broken and not being understood at home.  I have only told my mom I’m bi and not my dad because I’m scared.  What should I do about the problems above?!

Sincerly,
Jazzy

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Jazzy,

Your cool name makes us smile here at Trevor.  We are also glad that you were able to come out to your mom as bisexual.  That takes courage!  We are somewhat concerned though.  You listed your letter under the category of “abuse” although you did not mention any abuse specifically in your letter.  If you are indeed being abused either at home or in your community, we urge you to call us right away for your own safety at 1-866-4U-TREVOR so we can discuss ways to protect you from abuse.

Finding “the one” is something that can actually take a long time.  It doesn’t necessarily happen in Middle School, or High School, or even College…  Finding “the one” is about someone who is your best friend and your romantic interest.  Of course, you owe it to yourself not to feel rushed.  Youth is an opportunity to meet and maybe date a number of different people and learn about what kind of character traits and personality types are right for you.  We know that this process can have its emotional ups and downs for sure, and can sometimes lead to heartbreak.  You can also meet a lot of special people along this journey.

You mentioned not being understood at home.  Is your love life not something that you feel like you can talk to your mom about right now, even though you came out to her as bi?  Sometimes it can be valuable to speak with another trusted friend in your town.  If you don’t have a friend that you are “out to” and to whom you can talk about these issues, one safe space online that young people ages 13-24 can use to meet other LGBT youth is our online social network, Trevor Space.  You can set up a profile, like on Facebook, at www.trevorspace.org and begin meeting people in your area and elsewhere.  That might even help you find “the one”.

It sounds like you’re also still apprehensive about coming out to your Dad.  We suggest you have a conversation with your Mom to see how supportive your Dad is likely to be to learn you are bisexual. Unfortunately, some parents see bisexuality as “just a phase” that their kids go through, or a sign that their kids are either indecisive or intentionally trying to lead an “alternative lifestyle”.  It is important to know that bisexuality is no more a choice than being gay or lesbian, but it is often harder for parents to understand than their children.  You might want to check out this online resource page for bisexual youth for more information:  http://www.biresource.net/bisexualyouth.shtml

We here at Trevor know that it can be a lonely and isolating experience not to be out to all your family and friends, and not to have people know about the emotions going through your heart and mind.  Try at first to identify a few close individuals you can confide in, and work from there.  Remember, you can always call one of our counselors for a chat any time of day at 1-866-4U-Trevor.

 

Cheers,

 

Trevor Staff