Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

I’m so confused

Question:

For a few years I’ve been questioning my sexual orientation. When I turned thirteen I started thinking about it more. I’ve discovered a few things about myself though. I discovered that I might like girls more than guys. And I’ve become even more confused when I showed almost no interest in guys, but more interest in other girls. I need help!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people. It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys, or both. It is totally normal for someone to question his or her sexual orientation and sometimes the answer isn’t always immediately clear. That’s ok. There are people who try dating others of the same sex only to realize that they are straight, and there are people who have always identified as straight and suddenly find themselves attracted to someone of the same sex. Remember everyone is different, so there is no right or wrong way to be. The most important thing is to love and respect yourself for who you are. Also, there is no rush or reason to put a label on your identity. Let your feelings be your guide to discovering who you are and what that means for you.

That being said, if you find yourself attracted to both girls and boys, then it is possible that you may be bisexual. The site bisexual.org has information on bisexual orientation, as well as a link to resources that you can browse and may be helpful in determining what the attraction you are feeling means for you. I recommend going to bisexual.org, clicking “Resources” and reading the Bisexuality 101 article from PFLAG. It has a great question and answer section which may help you in understanding what the feelings you are having mean for you and your sexual orientation identity. It states that “most people have had at least some feeling for both genders at some stage in their lives…but what you call yourself is up to you. Some may feel the attraction they feel for one gender isn’t enough to call themselves bisexual.” While it is perfectly normal to question the feelings you are having, sexuality is something that can continue to change throughout one’s lifetime.

There are people out there care, so you may try talking about your feelings with a friend, parent, relative, or counselor you trust. Also, please check out TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.

 

Trevor Staff