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im stuck and dont know what to do

Question:

hi i don’t know what to do i feel like i want to be a girl but im really a boy i’ve felt this way for a while but felt it was nothing really. now as im older i think about it all the time and its harder now that im in high school and don’t know what to do. for a while i thought i was just gay so i told some of my close friends that and it wasn’t bad or anything but i felt awkward talking to them about it so i concluded that i was straight and i had a girlfriend and the relationship only lasted 3 days and she broke up with me because “i was being awkward ” she said and now i just feel confused because i want to be a girl but feel awkward talking about boys but act more of a friend then i do a boyfriend to my girlfriends im confused and dont know what to do its been beating me up for a while to the point its got me messing up in school and less open to my family if i can get some advice that would be great

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi there,

It is difficult and scary for many people to question about sexuality and you are very brave in reaching out to us at Ask Trevor. It is natural to have feelings of uncertainty regarding your gender identity and sexual orientation. Some people are certain of their sexual orientation as children, others as teens while others are not sure and continue to explore as adults. There are many people who do not fit neatly in one category. Everyone is different and these differences are normal. They are what make you a unique individual.

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). Gender identity is different from sexual orientation. Gender identity is about whether you identify with being a girl or boy and sexual orientation is whether you are attracted to members of the same and/or opposite sex. You may ask yourself whether you are transgender which means that your gender identity ( what you feel inside ) does not match your physical sex. You may also question whether you feel more comfortable and happier identifying as a girl as oppose to the gender you grew up as. Remember that there are no rules to attraction. For example: a boy can identify/live as a girl (transgender woman / transwoman) and identify as lesbian, bisexual, or straight.

This may be a lot to take in and may seem confusing at first. Below are some sites that provide more information on the topics I touched upon.
On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/component/content/article/731-i-think-i-might-be-transgender-now-what-do-i-do, you’ll find the brochure, “I Think I Might Be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?
On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Gay…Now What Do I Do?
PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out.

With that in mind, have you been in any other relationships (besides the one you mentioned)? Past relationships/crushes can give you a clue about whether you are attracted to girls, boys or both genders. If you feel awkward talking about boys, it is perfectly normal to not talk about them in ways that make you feel uncomfortable. Being a girl does not mean you have to talk about boys. Do what makes you feel happy in life. Be who you are! If you feel stressed out about this issue, I encourage you to speak to a counselor or teacher at school or an adult that you trust and feel safe speaking to. The Trevor Project also has a peer networking site call TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth ages 13 through 24 and their friends and allies. You may find other peers who are facing similar dilemmas as you are. Also remember The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR and TrevorChat if you need anything else. We are always here with you. Feel free to write to us again!
Sincerely,

Trevor Staff