Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

I’m worried for my friend

Question:

I am really worried about my friend. He thinks that he is alone. He thinks he messes up with everyone. He said to me that everything would be better if he was gone, meaning if he was dead. He is adopted and his adoptive parents do not accept that he is gay. They call him names all the time. He truly believes everyone hates him. The other day he was planning on overdosing on pills and almost did until his father got home so he had to hide everything. I’m so scared out of my mind, I just don’t know how to help him. I found out about the Trevor project so I wrote this letter. Please help me, I care about him so much.

Answer:

Hi Tyler,

I’m really glad that you reached out to the Trevor Project, it sounds like you are really worried about your friend and from what you said it’s a really scary situation. From what you wrote in your email, it seems like your friend is going through a lot and the some of the people in his life that should be supporting him-like his parents aren’t; so it is great that he has a friend like you that cares so much about him.

One thing that you should do is let him know about the Trevor Project and encourage him to call our Lifeline at 866-488-7386 or he can access Trevor Chat (which is just like IM-ing) the link is on our webpage; so that he can talk to one of our counselors about what he is going through and hopefully they can work with him to come up with a plan for him to stay safe. I don’t know if there is anyone at school that you feel would be able to help, but perhaps there is a counselor or teacher that he can reach out to? Please encourage him to reach out to an adult such as a family member, counselor, neighbor, or any other trusted adult because he really needs additional support. If you feel like your friend is in serious danger of hurting himself, call 911 or make sure Tyler gets to a hospital.

No one deserves to be treated the way that your friend is being treated and I am sure it’s hard for you to see someone that you care about be in so much pain; it’s important that you know that what you are doing by reaching out for help for him is a really big deal, but that if he should hurt himself it is not your fault. It can be really hard to watch someone that you care about hurt so much and it’s really important that you take care of yourself too.
Here are a few possible resources that you can give your friend:
• Trevor Lifeline 866-488-7286
• TrevorSpace (it’s like kinda like myspace, there are really cool teens just like you that your friend can connect with) www.thetrevorproject.org
• Trevor Chat (it just like IM-ing on yahoo or aim but you chat with a Trevor counselor) www.thetrevorproject.org
• Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255

Tyler, it is so awesome that you have reached out to try to find help for your friend! If you want to talk with a counselor about what’s going on you can also use any of the resources above too. If you have any questions you can always contact us again, the Trevor Project is always here to help in any way that we can.

Trevor