Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
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Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Is this normal?

Question:

I think I may be bisexual. I know for sure I like girls, but I sometimes experience some attraction towards guys as well. I am having problems trusting in people. I also suffer from depression. It is not very extreme. My parents are very conservative but not so much so that they still wouldn’t care for me and I am a bit scared. Do you think it would be wise to make “bi” friends at this point. I don’t feel normal .I have always had a problem making friends. I have told them that I think I might be be bisexual and they reacted with both resentment and acceptance. I most of all feel like I want to fit in. I do have all straight friends who are male and female. I have tried to involve myself in some activities but sometimes I feel like this is not enough to help me fit in. Is this normal? Does it matter whether I have these types of friends? I don’t want to hide myself from everyone because of my problems.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thanks for your email.  We’re glad you’ve taken the time to write to us.  It sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of new feelings and trying to make sense of them all – which is very common and entirely normal.  Having a mixture of feelings is natural, and defining them is sometimes more difficult than one would think.  So this is a great time to start thinking about what you want.

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.  It can be scary to try and choose a category for yourself, so take your time.  And know that you don’t ever have to choose one label or another if you don’t want to.  These terms exist only to help us understand ourselves and connect with others.  And since there are many variations of sexuality, you may or may not find that one label suits you more than another.  It’s all ok.  Whomever you choose to love in a romantic way will be lucky – and you will be lucky to experience that fantastic feeling.  You can also find more information on bisexuality at http://www.bisexual.org if you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG”. They also have a lot of information that you can use to help talk to you parents about your sexuality.

In terms of your friends and family and their acceptance of your sexuality, be patient and give them time to adapt. But dont allow them to make you feel less than normal. You are perfect the way you are. Help them to understand that you are the same person they have always known. A persons sexuality does not define them. It is not who you are, it is simply who you are attracted to and who you might like to date. You friends are those whom you choose to let into your life so it is completely up to you whether you want someone as a friend or not.

You may want to find a trusted friend or adult to discuss some of this with.   But please stay in touch with us, too!  You can always reach us by phone on The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, and online via TrevorChat and TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

We’re always here for you!

Sincerely -

Trevor

Trevor Staff