Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

It is complicated, I’m out to my family after trying to suicide …

Dear John,

Thank you so much for writing The Trevor Project to share your story with us.  I would first like to commend your courage.  It is a huge… and very significant step in the right direction when a person is confident enough in themselves to open up to his or her family.  It’s also brave to be willing to share this part of yourself by reaching out for advice.  There are many, many people in situations similar to yours right now, and just as many people out there who care about you and want you to be safe.  It may seem rough now trying to be yourself while dealing with pressure from your parents and from your friends who don’t know about the GLBT aspect of your life, but you’re not alone.  What you are feeling is completely and perfectly normal.  There are many, many people in situations similar to yours right now, and just as many people out there who care about you and want you to be safe.

Coming out as LGBT gives you the opportunity to share an important part of your life with your family, friends, and loved ones.  It will help you feel less alone and may provide you the chance to meet other people in your situation.  The most important thing to remember while you come out is that you should feel secure and comfortable.  You wrote you have a lot of both male and female friends.  Is there one in particular you trust and feel comfortable with more than others?  Is there one who you feel like you could share a valuable and meaningful part of yourself with?  If you can think of anyone, you may want to try to ‘start small’ and try talking about a LGBT topic to test the waters.  If you feel safe with the way the discussion goes, you may consider sharing this part of your life with this one friend at first.  He or she may give you the supportive, meaningful relationship you described in your letter.

You wrote in your letter that you don’t understand a lot about homosexuality yet, and that’s completely okay.  It seems to me, though, that you’re an amazing, self-aware guy who is strong enough to know that the pressure from your parents and the doctor you described isn’t the best thing for you.  It seems to me you’re strong enough to know you weren’t in a good situation, and that you took the steps necessary to make things better for yourself.  I would once again like to congratulate you for your courage.  I would also like to share with you a couple of resources that may help you with the next step, and empower you to grow even stronger.

The Human Rights Campaign has a guide to coming out posted on their website (http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out) that may help you come up with a plan taking that next step, for telling your friends, and learning to be okay with yourself if you publically identify as GLBT.  It also has a guide for issues and questions you may have in regards to your religion you might find useful.  (http://www.hrc.org/resources/category/religion-faith).

I’d also like to invite  you to try Trevor Space if you haven’t already.  (http://www.trevorspace.org/).  While every individual and their experiences are different, Trevor Space is an online community of LBGT youth ages 13-24 who might have experienced something similar to you that you can chat with, vent to, listen to, and use to make yourself feel like you’re not alone in this.

Thanks again, John, and good luck!
Trevor

Question:

Hello,
I was born in an Arabian/Islamic country, lived most of my life in another, but I have been in more than 14 countries around the world, I’m a Muslim, well, kind of. I had many talents before, and many interests, but I no longer read, paint, or enjoy what I used to love. Everything started with my desire to go out, to be clear to everyone but mostly to find someone who would love me and share everything with him, I lost faith in everything, mostly in me, I couldn’t understand how a child would be sinful for something he didn’t choose, and I was afraid of how my parents would see me after me going out for them, I started to get into a very deep depression, I felt totally lonely, lost weight and started to get suicidal ideas, one night, I went out for a walk alone, bought very effective sleeping bills which I had to lie saying it is for my brother to get them, next night, I took 18 of those bills after I sent my parents a message telling them about my sexual orientation, and my suicidal plan. 2 minutes later I fell asleep, somehow, my father who lives in a far city from mine, was near, he was able to take me to the hospital on the right time, I don’t remember much of that night, I wasn’t awake at all, but he saved my life.

My family didn’t open the subject of my sexuality for many days after that night, they were afraid I would do it again, after 2 weeks they asked me to start seeing a psychiatrist, it was though that he wanted to change my orientation, I can’t understand how can I change what I found within me, why would I change it even if it was possible !
I stopped going there, my parents weren’t happy with that, but they love me, so they said that, it is okay for no, but I can’t go out to anyone, and I should enter a relationship with a girl, I should find a girlfriend.

I would consider myself as a friendly person, I have a lot of female and male friends but I couldn’t go through what my parents wanted, I entered the depression zone again, my parents noticed that, I told them I can’t stay in the country anymore, I don’t even feel that i fit there, and people always point me as a different person. not knowing that being gay is part of my difference.

I left the country, now I live in Europe, but still don’t understand a lot of things, like who can I finally accept the fact of me being me ! More than that, I’m always afraid of relationships, still people here don’t know about my sexuality, I’m still hiding it – again – how can I go out ? I just don’t understand a lot of thing about me and homosexuality, though I read a lot.

I really need help finding myself.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff