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I’ve Fallen In Love With My Best Friend

Question:

Hi. I am 13 years old and going into 8th grade. The past year I have been questioning my sexuality because of my best friend. I think I could have possibly fallen in love with her over this last year. I’ve known her for almost 4 years, and I am so happy she is in my life, it’s just I am almost 99.9% sure she’s straight and not into girls which literally breaks my heart. I think these feelings might have started because we both are more on the touchy-feely side, but I am definetly not as touchy with any of my other friends. I also am really confused because I have never looked at girls in any sexual ways before and she’s the only exception. Does that make me bi? Nothing really makes sense to me anymore except that when I am with her I am completely happy. And I don’t know what to do, or say to her because I am terrified that if I said anything she would hate me. Thanks

~Alison

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Alison,

What you are feeling is perfectly normal and natural. There is nothing wrong with your feelings and attractions, and there is no right or wrong answer. In trying to figure out your sexuality, this can be a frustrating and confusing, yet rewarding experience. Allow yourself the time to understand your feelings before you place a label on yourself. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). Many people believe sexuality can change to some degree over a person’s lifetime. Other people know right away. The important thing is to take your time in figuring this out.

Human contact is important and being more touchy feely with friends you feel closest too is natural. If you are unsure as to how your friend feels about girls or homosexuality in general maybe you could casually bring it up in conversation. You could mention a gay/lesbian TV/movie character or celebrity and see how she reacts. Also, you must ask yourself, if you told her  how you feel would it ruin your friendship? Is your friendship more important than trying to pursue something further?

Is there a trusted adult that you can talk to (school counselor, relative) about this.? I encourage you to visit Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org. It is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having. I encourage you to speak with a trusted family member, teacher, school counselor, or friend about the questions you are having. Some other good links are; On www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) “Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. Remember that there’s NO RUSH to figure this out.

 

Trevor Staff