Hello Trevor Project,
My name is Lexi, I am a 17 year old female who is struggling to know whether or not I am Bisexual. I have wrote to you guys before about a few things so I hope you don’t mind if I write again, I feel safe talking to you and getting advice. So I have a few questions..
*What is really the point to life, why are we here? I don’t get it..
*I have really bad anxiety and at night it gets really bad, I think way too much, I overthink everything at night. I make myself so upset and cant calm down any suggestions..?
*Last but not least.. you still there? I think I might be Bi.. I have experimented with kissing girls and I find myself attracted to them, but I really dont want tot be my family does not approve of it at ALL.. I dont want them to hate me anymore then they already do, I have to live with my aunt because me and my mom dont get along, I dont need her hating me too..
I feel lost and alone, I hope you can help..
Letter submitted by:
Thank you for writing to us here at Ask Trevor. You can write to us as many times as you like, we are always here and happy to help! Hopefully I will do just that.
What is the point to life? That is a question that no one can answer and it is one everyone struggles *to* answer. Here is the thing, though: the real question that you are asking is “what is the point of my life?” And that, Lexi, only you can answer. And the only way to do that is to live your life. Only through living life may you discover the point to it all. By loving, by laughing, by *being*.. that is how you answer the question.
Regarding your anxiety, have you thought of seeing someone? If this anxiety is getting worse and effecting your life, perhaps you should consider seeking the help of a medical professional who can prescribe you something if deemed necessary. Otherwise, this article has some tips on calming yourself during an anxiety attack: http://www.wikihow.com/Calm-Yourself-During-an-Anxiety-Attack. You can also try exercising before bed to wear yourself out. The physical challenge will help you focus on something else and tire you out enough to sleep. You can also try reading a calming book to focus your mind on something else, writing a list of all the good things in your life, or talking to a trusted friend or adult about your worries. You can also try laughing- it releases endorphins and relaxes your muscles (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-relief/SR00034), even if you feel a little silly Some sounds or scents may also help, such as nature sounds and essential oils that you can put on your pillow. The Mayo Clinic has a bunch of articles related to stress relief that you can find through that last link. This article has some holistic methods as well: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/18/stress-management-calm-down-anxiety-tips_n_3073583.html. Melatonin is a natural substance that can help you go to sleep without that morning after grogginess of sleeping pills. It is not an uncommon problem, plenty of people suffer from similar issues so please don’t hesitate to get help if you need it!
Questioning your sexuality is totally natural and, considering your family situation, most likely a large part of the anxiety you are feeling. Here are some great resources to check out about bisexuality: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/724?task=view, bisexuality.org, and http://www.hrc.org/issues/pages/bisexual. Simply, Bisexuality is the ability to be emotionally and physically attracted to either male or female gender. Don’t feel the rush to label yourself. You’re young and self-discovery doesn’t need to happen overnight.
Your family situation sounds complicated and I understand why it would be scary to admit to something you know will cause more strife. However, just because you admit it to yourself does not mean you have to tell them. I would never tell you to be anything less than honest but if you are uncertain of your safety than you should not jeopardize that. You are almost 18 when you will have the ability to live on your own and take more in control of your own environment. You can always tell your family then; or you never have to- it is up to you. The first step is to discover yourself before you worry about how they will react. In the end, being true to yourself is always better than living a lie. And, like I said before, that truth does not need to be discovered immediately. Just be safe no matter what- that is the most important thing.
A great site to visit is Trevor Space http://www.trevorspace.org/. It is a social network for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning youth; a safe place to meet people your own age who may be going through some of the same things as you. You can also check out Trevor Chat http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat to talk with a volunteer in real time. Of course you can always reach us by phone on The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR.
Feel free to write to us again here at Ask Trevor if you need to, we are always here for you- you are never alone.