Ask Trevor

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Lonely

Question:

Hi, Trevor:

I’m in high school, and it’s a bit tough with all the pressure I get from my family and myself to succeed in school. Sometimes I feel like I have too much anxiety to care for school anymore, and that’s not what I want. I’m also entering that age, where many people have experienced a relationship. I have quite a few crushes in school, not that they’re meaningful or anything, and it does drive me crazy, especially when I once thought to myself that I’d never care for a relationship, if not even oppose having one. I never have the courage to talk to my crushes, and whenever I do, it’s like I’m pushing them away. I honestly don’t really care that much for a relationship, but sometimes I feel really lonely, and I just imagine what I could have like in the romantic movies. In my head I always suspect my crushes to be gay, maybe it’s my denial self. I did talk to one of my friends about this, but I don’t think she really cares about how I feel. I just want someone who could respond to me on this level of seriousness.

Thank you!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hello there,

I’m so glad you wrote to us here at the Trevor Project!  It sounds like you have a lot going on, and the pressures of school, family, friends and relationships can get overwhelming at times.  It is always a good idea to talk to others at times like this, and to remember that everyone is different and may not be able to relate to your experiences or give you advice that you agree with.  Your friend might not experience these issues the way you do, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t care.  Sometimes people are not able to respond about things they have never experienced, or may not have experienced to the degree that you have.  In these instances, it can be helpful to talk to multiple people in your life and get multiple perspectives to find the advice that most suits your needs.  It can be especially helpful to talk to an adult you trust.  If you feel uncomfortable discussing your worries with your parents, you might consider talking to your school guidance counselor.  School counselors are very familiar with all of the stress and anxiety that students may experience in high school, and they are equipped with strategies and skills that they can share with you to help you overcome your anxiety.  They can also provide you with resources if things get too overwhelming.

High school can be difficult at times, especially when the pressure for doing well increases as you begin to think about graduation and beyond.  Everyone gets stressed and anxious from time to time, and everyone copes with this stress differently.  Sometimes it can affect your schoolwork and your interest in school and activities you once enjoyed.  Sometimes it can even make you feel sad or hopeless.  It is important to do healthy things you enjoy and that relieve your stress (such as go for a run, hang out with friends, listen to music, etc.).  If things ever get to be too much, remember that you can always talk to us here at the Trevor Project.  You can give us a call at the Trevor Lifeline anytime if you ever need to talk to someone.  Our Lifeline number is 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, and we answer calls 24/7 so it’s never a wrong time to give us a call!  In addition to calling our Lifeline or writing us letters using Ask Trevor, you can also chat with us online using TrevorChat or connect with other LGBTQ youth at TrevorSpace, a safe and supportive online social networking site for LGBTQ young people and allies. You can learn more about these resources at our website, www.thetrevorproject.org.

Relationships can also be a tricky part of high school to navigate.  You seem to have a great sense of yourself, your feelings and your values, which is great!  It can seem lonely if you feel like everyone else is in relationships besides you, but when you feel lonely, it is a good idea to talk to someone you trust about these feelings and sort them out.  Again, you can always call us on our Lifeline, and we’re happy to talk to you anytime!  Our social networking site, TrevorSpace, is another great option when you are feeling alone.  Although it may seem like everyone at this age is beginning to date, you certainly should not rush into anything you do not want for yourself.  Remember, only you can determine if and when you are ready to enter a relationship with someone, and even if you have a crush on someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should start dating.  It is ok to have crushes and not want to pursue a relationship—you should never feel pressured to do something that you are not comfortable doing.  If and when you are ready, just be open and honest with the person you hope to date and give them a chance to be open and honest with you.  Keep in mind, it is often very difficult to correctly guess someone’s sexual orientation or their feelings—sometimes people can surprise you!  We wish you well, and if you ever feel anxious or lonely in the future, remember that we are always here to help!

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff