Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Me, Him, and Her

Question:

Well, Me and this guy ( not naming names ), were in love and were planning a future and all that stuff but we weren’t entirely boyfriend and girlfriend. We were more like lovers. One day, he left me and now he is going after my best friend who is falling for him. What do I do? How am I supposed to react to that?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Hi there,I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this.  It must be painful to feel like you are losing both your lover and your best friend to this situation and I’m glad that you have reached out for help.  This type of thing is all too common in relationships and you are not alone.  The best thing that you can do is try to understand that his decision to leave is not under your control, nor is your best friend’s response.  I would strongly suggest talking to other friends and family members that you can trust in order to have a strong support system that will help you move on.  When relationships turn negative the best way to feel better is to focus on the healthy and supportive relationships that you do have.

Have you spoken with your best friend and expressed to her how hurt you are feeling?  If so, and she still wants to date your ex, then I would step away from the situation so as not to cause yourself any more pain. Your ex and your best friend are going to do what they are going to do, and there is unfortunately not much you can do to change that.  This is actually a great opportunity for you to show yourself some love by accepting what you can’t control and allowing room in your heart for new, positive relationships.  When we stay in a negative place of drama and fear we cannot create space for peace and love to come in.

Thank you for your letter.  I would encourage you to log on to Trevor Space – www.trevorspace.org.  It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site where you can connect with others who might have similar questions and/or experiences to yours.  I wish you the best of luck with this new phase in your life.