So I just got a girlfriend and we are great together. The problem is her ex boyfriend. My girlfriend (who I will name Heather) broke up with him at the end of last school year because he was getting too serious and she wasn’t ready for that. All summer and this school year he has been trying to show how much he still loves her. He wrote her a note saying how much they have both changed and how he will never be able to love another woman because she is the one for him. After dating for two weeks, we decided to tell him that we are dating today. He is so depressed now. He was walking around school all day with his head hung down looking like he was off somewhere else. Heather feels so bad right now. She thinks that this is all her fault and that if he does something drastic it will be all her fault. I tried telling her that is isn’t her fault but I can still tell that she is distraught about everything. Do you have any advice on what I should do or what we should both do or anything I can tell her to make her feel better? Any advice would be wonderful. Thanks
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I appreciate you reaching out. It’s nice to hear that you and your girlfriend feel compassion for her ex-boyfriend. You sound happy together, but you didn’t intend for your relationship to hurt someone else. You are very kind to consider your girlfriend’s feelings and to look somewhere new for advice. AskTrevor is always happy to hear from you.
Your girlfriend is very fortunate to have you for support. You care about her feelings enough to reach out for help. I can understand Heather’s feeling of guilt because her ex-boyfriend is someone that she really cared for at one time. Being honest with Heather’s boyfriend was a good start. He may need some time and privacy to accept that Heather has moved on. During that time it could be helpful for him to lean on close friends or family for guidance and support. If Heather still has a relationship with any of his close friends/family it may be helpful to reach out to them. Heather could also suggest that he utilize his support systems while he goes through this tough time. Keep in mind that these are just suggestions. It will be up to Heather to decide what feels appropriate.
I think Heather will feel better once she knows her ex-boyfriend has a support system behind him while he accepts her new relationship. Hopefully her ex-boyfriend will understand that Heather does not want to hurt him, but that she is in a new relationship. AskTrevor is always available to provide support and advice, but if you believe he may do something drastic to hurt himself, the confidential Trevor Lifeline is available for free and immediate support at 866-488-7386. Thanks for connecting!