Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

My boyfriend


I’m 13 and my boyfriend Alex is 14, fixing to turn 15 on Christmas. I will turn 14 in January. He is a year older than me, in 9th grade, and I’m in 8th grade. We go to different schools. I get really jealous for no reason sometimes.

Not everybody supports us, and we get hate a lot. I don’t get it, because we are perfect for each other. A lot of girls at his school are mean to me and prank call me and send stuff on Facebook because I’m dating Alex. Our dads are best friends on the police department, and we grew up together. His family is my second family and I love them all so much. Their house is my second home, because I’m there so much, and vice versa for him. I’ve stayed the night at his house– and no, we never did anything. I’m still a virgin and I plan on being until I’m married. I’ve gone away overnight and camped with my ex-boyfriend and his family before, so it’s not that big a deal. I’m a straight-A student who has a good reputation and is fairly popular in both the middle school and high school. My parents trust me a lot and they know I would never do anything like sex. I’m careful about who I hang out with, and I know how to take care of myself. The exact same thing with Alex. We are both very mature for our age and the worst thing we have ever done is get into heated make-out sessions. But that’s not bad. We’ve been together for about 8 months now and I couldn’t be happier. He is my second half and I wouldn’t know what to do without him. I feel completely safe and protected with him and I love him so much.

I’ve lost friends because they have walked in on us kissing or something, and I don’t understand why, because they do the same thing. One girl called me a slut because at a party I was sitting in his lap when we were playing truth or dare. A girl almost slapped me when Alex picked me up bridal style off the couch and carried me to the love seat he was sitting in. She got really mad and started yelling at me because she likes him, but Alex stopped her when she was fixing to slap me. He boxes and is the quarterback for the 9th and 10th grade high school football team, so I know he will always protect me.

We get along great. We fight sometimes, but what couples don’t? We’ve talked about our future together, and I know he is serious about us too. We are perfect for each other and I know God put us together for a reason, so why do we get so much hate? Please help me, because I’m so confused.

Letter submitted by:


Dear Saige:

Nothing you say in your letter sounds like you’re doing anything wrong at all. Have you thought about the possibility that the haters at Alex’s school are just jealous of you– jealous because Alex is a catch, and he’s been “caught” by a girl not at their school, and a girl who’s younger than they are, at that?

It’s too bad that they feel that way, but sometimes that’s just the way of the world: Sometimes people are jealous of other people who have what they don’t have, and they turn that jealousy into hate. It can be tough to deal with because there’s so much social media (like Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr and such) that people can use to be mean, but that’s just the way it is. As people get more mature, some of them will learn not to turn their jealousy into meanness towards others, but some won’t.

In the meantime, try to be happy in the knowledge that you have a good thing with Alex, that you’re not doing anything wrong, and do the best you can to ignore the haters. That is sometimes tough to do, but it can often be the best course of action. Or if you feel that you just can’t ignore them, have you thought about asking a girl friend who knows the haters why she thinks they’re behaving so badly towards you?

Speaking of getting advice from a friend, here’s another suggestion: Try going on TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org). It’s a great supportive community where you can anonymously connect with others who might have had, or might still be having, the same kind of problem you have. You can see what they suggest.


The Trevor Project