Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

my family won’t accept me

Question:

I am questioning whether I am bisexual or not (though I’m fairly sure I am) because I recently had a crush on another girl but I feel that I can not tell anyone because I do not think they would accept me. My parents are very religious and see homosexuality as a very wrong sin. I do not feel the same way as them and I wish I could talk to them about it but I don’t know if that would be a good idea and I do not have the courage or self-confidence to do so. Not being able to communicate about this very big thing in my life with my family makes me feel very far away from them. I am feeling very alone and trapped. I do not know what to do. I don’t feel comfortable talking to my friends about it either. I feel like since my parents think homosexuality is wrong, they will never accept me for who I am. I am really unsure of what I should do or if I should even do anything. The only people that know about this are the girl I have a crush on and a girl that I’m friends with that I was sure would accept it and not tell anyone. I am worried about the fact that I may want to date the girl I like and my parents would not be okay with it. It hurts me that they can’t accept it, even if it were to make me happy. I have depression and this issue is definitely taking a toll on me. I’m feeling even more down on myself and I don’t know what to do.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thank  you for having the courage to seek support and clarity. Please know that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal   and that you will have many and various questions throughout your lifetime. The best thing you can always do is to reach our for support. Know that with The Trevor Project you will always have support and answers to many of your questions.

 

In trying to understand your sexuality it may help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional , romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders ( bisexual) . people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender ( heterosexual or straight).  It may also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about and being with girls, boys or both. There are resources available to you to read. You may want to check out http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177 you will find the brochure ” I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do? which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. Also  at http://www.bisexual.org you will find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources , then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLG” you can find information that may be helpful to you too. Please remember that sometimes it may be good for you to talk to someone you trust – friend, relative, teacher or school counselor. It can help to let people in your life know about an important part of your life, it can help you to feel less alone and meet new friends and allies.

There are several resources that you can share with your family and friends to get them be educated and answer any question that they may have. One great resource for family, friends and yourself is PFLAG.  Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a great organization, made of mostly of parents which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and other ot become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity. The website at www.pflag.org click on “Get Support” then click on “For Family & Friends”  this is where you will find pamphlets “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers about GLBT people” Also on this website you will  be able to find a local chapter near you for more support.

Despite what you may have been taught it is very important to know that there is nothing wrong with being religious and bisexual and in fact it is completely normal and  natural. There are many bisexual people  who practice religion and continue to attend church. Please know that you can be bisexual and religious both at the same time. There are many religious leaders who teach love and acceptance and equality for all people and are supportive of gay people. You may want to reading numerous guides on Soulforce’s “Resources” webpage at www.soulforce.org as well as resources that are available PFLAG at www.pflag.org

 

Lastly remember that Trevor Lifeline at 866.4.U.TREVOR as well as TrevorSpace are always available and here your for you to answer your questions and to give you support.