Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Hope you are having a great summer!

My gender isn’t clear

Question:

I feel like a girl and a boy at the same time. I dont really know how to ask people about it, I feel like parts that are there are supposed to be, like on my chest, but when it comes to other places. I feel like they were wrongfully put in my body. My Fiancee coming out as Transgender somehow made me question what my gender truly is. I havent asked him or any friends I know because Im scared of them judging me. I dont know what I really am, and it scares me sometimes

Answer:

Thanks for writing us at the Trevor Project. You are certainly not alone in the feelings you are experiencing. Questioning one’s gender identity is natural, and being LGBT in any way, is natural and normal. Many people have had similar feelings as you and have determined that they identify as Transgender; others still, determine that they are not. Truly understanding your mind, your feelings, and your body takes a great deal of self-reflection. It can be hard and frustrating, but please remember that you are never ever alone, even when you are scared. There are people and resources always available to help!

It sounds like you are questioning or potentially exploring your gender identity. Let’s explore what it can mean to be Transgender and perhaps this will help you better understand your feelings. People who identify as Transgender may experience a variety of emotions. They may feel more comfortable expressing themselves as the opposite gender they were assigned at birth. They may feel comfortable with some parts of their body (like you and your chest) and uncomfortable with others, or feel they are missing parts. They might also feel that they should be another gender or gender-neutral. All of this is possible – but it is also important to know that there is no need to rush and define yourself. There is no deadline and there isn’t a requirement for labels.

Life is a long journey and over time you will learn more about the world and more about yourself, and most likely, become more comfortable with who you are and decide to be. It’s natural to be scared of others judging you. Sharing your feelings can be scary, but it can also be relieving, therapeutic, and rewarding when done with the right individuals. What’s most important is that you are safe and comfortable if you decide to so (perhaps, sharing with someone you trust). If your fiancee is Transgender, perhaps you could consider asking him about his experience / feelings without revealing your own thoughts to assess if you are feeling a similar way. If you feel safe and that the time is right to share your thoughts, he may be empathetic and able to relate. However, if you feel uncomfortable or unsure, you should not feel pressured to – perhaps, you should continue to explore your feelings.

We’d like to share with you some resources to help explore your emotions. At the following website,

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=731&Itemid=177 you’ll find resources about exploring your gender identify. We are also always here for you with resources like TrevorChat (instant messaging with those who can help answer you questions) and TrevorSpace (peer social networking) if you want to seek more feedback!

Trevor Staff