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Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

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My parents hate me because I’m gay


Hi. I came out to my family in 2011 and ever since then it has been awful. Both my mother and father hate me.  They have not come around…in fact, they has become worse. I’m verbally abused on a daily basis. I am called a queer a waste of space and I will amount to nothing  are just a few of the choice phrases. With my father, he often gets physically abusive. I have a current boyfriend, but my parents try their best to stop me from seeing him. Telling me they will try their utmost to ruin it for me as it’s disgusting. To this point they threaten me with kicking me out. I cannot stay out overnight any where or else they will ring and text demanding me to come home. The also punish me by stopping me from doing basic things like having showers or using the internet. After two years,  it’s starting to get to me and I can’t see a way out.

Letter submitted by:


Hello Ger,

By your letter I can tell you are a brave and strong person. I want you to know that you are not alone. It is hard when the people that are supposed to love you unconditionally treat you so terribly, but no one has a right to hurt you with words, threats, or violence. You are not a waste of space and you are worth fighting for. What is most important is that you are safe.

Please know that no one, including your family, EVER has the right to abuse you. When someone is being abused, it can make them feel very bad about themselves because they may think they’re causing or deserve the abuse but no matter what your family tells you, it’s not your fault that you are being treated this way. You deserve and have the right to be protected and safe. Sometimes, abusers scare or threaten the people they’re abusing so they won’t tell but it is vitally important that you talk with a trusted adult such as a relative, friend’s parent, doctor, teacher or school counselor about the abuse and that you or the trusted adult immediately. On http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/4/ChildrenandFamilyServices/childrenfirst/adviceguidancesupports/Dublin_Child_Protection_Services.html you may find some information that can help you and keep you safe and to prevent your family from abusing you further. There are people who care about you and want to help you including those of us at The Trevor Project. In addition, to protect yourself, try not to be alone with anyone who hurts you.  If anyone in your family tries to abuse you in any way, try to get to a safe space such as a room in your house you can lock or by going to a friend, neighbor or relative’s house, even if they continue to call and text you. If you have to, call emergency services. What is most important is that you are safe.

Ger, we are always here for you and we care about you. You are not alone. Keep fighting because you are worth fighting for.

Best wishes,