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My sister is dating a trans guy and doesn’t want to be offensive.

Question:

She really likes this guy, but she’s never dated someone who is FtM before. She wants to know, generally speaking, what to avoid to not seem stand-offish, offensive, rude, or ignorant. She has talked to him about their relationship, but she doesn’t want to go into a sexual conversation completely ignorant. Shes done some research about it, but talking to an actual person would be much more helpful than internet articles. She likes him a lot and wants to avoid offending him at all costs.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

 

I can tell how much your sister cares about this guy by just her effort alone in researching about what it means to be transgender. There is a great resource to read: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=731&Itemid=177 where you’ll find the brochure, “I Think I Might be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?”. In addition to all the research your sister has been doing, I believe this will help her understand what he is going through as well. Also, there is this great organization online called PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Its made up mostly of parents that support LGBTQ people who work to help other parents, family members, significant others etc become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s gender identity/sexual orientation. Go on their website, www.pflag.org, click “Get Support”, then click, “For Family and Friends”, and you can find different pamphlets on a range of topics about being transgender.

I also would recommend going to Trevorspace for support and help with your questions (www.trevorspace.org). It is our online, safe social networking site for LGBTQ individuals ages 13-24 and also for their friends and allies. It is an amazingly supportive community where your sister could connect with other people who are in the same situation she is in. Lastly, your sister can always call us at The Trevor Lifeline: 866-4-U-TREVOR anytime, 24/7. She can speak to someone over the phone if she has a question about her situation, or if she just needs to get advice from a live person.

There is this great quote by Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people forget what you did, but people will ever forget how you made them feel”. It very obvious your sister cares very much, and we truly believe that the effort she is putting forth to understand more about his background will be much appreciated by him, as it will make him feel more at ease.  It is the little things that count in life, and your sister is making a huge and incredibly kind effort to show him that she cares. Please don’t hesitate to contact us at any time!

 

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff