I can’t take it anymore… I can’t call the lifeline, and I don’t have a stable connection for TrevorChat. I’m at a friend’s house right now, using their wi-fi. This anxiety, depression, paranoia… it’s eating me alive. I need help. I don’t know how to cope besides cutting. Just… please… tell me what to do…
From reading your letter, it sounds like you are going through a very tough time right now. Thank you for reaching out, you are very brave to express your feelings and asking for help. It sounds like you have a good friend for letting you use their wi-fi to contact us, I hope it is someone you can reach out to for support.
Please know that we at The Trevor Project care about you and believe that you’re a very special person, someone who knows how important it is to reach out for help when you’re in such a hurtful, dangerous and painful place. <>. Please know that if you were no longer here, the world would be a much, much emptier place and that the people in your life, would truly miss you. If you ever have thoughts of killing yourself, it’s very important for your safety that you immediately tell a trusted adult such as a parent, friend’s parent, relative, teacher, school counselor or doctor about your thoughts of suicide order to keep you safe. If you ever feel you’re going to act again on those thoughts, immediately call 911 or get to your nearest hospital emergency room.
You said you are experiencing anxiety, depression and paranoia and that you are using cutting as a way to cope with your feelings. This is concerning that you have been cutting but it may help to know that many people use cutting as a way to manage the stress that they are feeling. It is also important for you to know that cutting may help you to feel better briefly but the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become as it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, and sometimes life threatening medical problems especially if you cut a major blood vessel.
If you feel like cutting, there are ways to help yourself deal with your anxiety, depression and paranoia without putting yourself at risk. Think about how you feel before and after you cut yourself. If cutting helps to relieve your stress, you may try some different techniques like hitting a pillow, stomping around in heavy shoes, ripping up an old newspaper, or flattening aluminum cans.
It would be important for your safety to let a trusted adult know about the cutting, maybe a counselor at school or a teacher that you like. There are also websites available that you may find useful to help you stop cutting. These websites can help you learn about cutting as well as additional things you can do when you have the urge to cut.
We encourage you to also call 1-800-DON’T-CUT where you can be referred to a therapist in your area. I know you said that you can’t call the Lifeline, but if there is an opportunity when you are able to call and need to talk please call Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386). A Trevor lifeline counselor will listen to what you’re feeling and may be able to help delay or stop your urge to cut.
Please stay strong and continue to reach out for help. You are loved.
The Trevor Project