Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

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Question:

Hi my name is jun wei and i live in malaysia which is in asia i feel lost because my country dosent support equality and those that practice homosexuality will be punished and whiped i also think that im really lost where to turn to no where to be myself ive recently came out in 2013 my mom says homosexuality is a choice i dont really know if she accept me for who i am i have 2 best friends that respects me for who i am but they wouln’t understand i’ve always wanted to go to the USA have a life there but i live in asia chances of going there is slim i guess i have no one to turn to i hope you understand

 

Answer:

 

Dear Jun,

First of all, I want to recognize your bravery in coming out not only to yourself, but also to your mother and your friends. It is never easy to come out, but, as you point out in your letter, it can be especially difficult in a place like Malaysia where laws make it harder for LGBT individuals to be accepted. At the same time, just like everyone else, you have the desire as well as the right to be yourself. To come as far as you have in spite of your circumstances is really amazing. You’re really smart to have figured out so much about yourself already.

Just as you have gone through a coming-out process in which you’ve gradually learned to accept who you are, your mother and friends are experiencing a similar process. It may seem at first that they can’t understand what you go through, but over time you might be surprised to see them developing a better understanding of your life as an LGBT person. In a similar way, societies all over the world are slowly becoming more accepting of LGBT people, even if it seems like it isn’t happening fast enough.

If you don’t feel completely comfortable being yourself with another person at the moment, maybe there’s another option. Is there something you like to do alone that helps you feel like yourself, and that makes you happy? It might be singing, dancing, drawing, writing, swimming, or just taking a walk in a quiet place. Making yourself comfortable and happy is really important to your own well-being, and a big first step to finding acceptance with other people.

I also want to let you know about some online resources that can help you connect with people who do understand what you’re going through. You can join TrevorSpace (https://www.trevorspace.org/), a confidential social networking site especially for LGBT youths like you to meet in a safe online space. You’re not alone. There are always people at the Trevor Project who would be glad to talk with you!

Best wishes,
Ask Trevor