Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!



I came out at school and want to take a girl to prom. I’m scared and need advice . I’ve never been out and proud in public before but i want to badly.

Letter submitted by:


Dear Amanda,

Thank you for writing into Ask Trevor with your question. The fear you feel about being out and proud for the very first time and your desire to ask someone out to prom is understandable.

Firstly congratulations on taking the bold step to come out at school. You should be proud of yourself for making such a big decision. Asking a girl out and for something as significant as prom is another big step. It seems like something you really want. As with every step you take you should think about scenarios so that you are mentally and emotionally prepared for different positive or negative outcomes. Some questions you should answer for yourself are: Is the girl you want to ask out gay? Is she out or as comfortable as you with her sexuality? What if she does not want to be out and proud in public like you? What if she is not gay? How will you take it if she says no?

If you do feel you are ready and are comfortable asking a girl out you may want to think of what exactly you would like to say when you ask her to prom. It helps to rehearse what you plan to say. If you are not sure about her sexuality you could think of how to express yourself in a way that she is not upset or offended in any way.

If you feel that asking someone out to prom is significant for you then by all means go ahead. Just be prepared for either outcome so that you are not too disappointed. Even if you go with someone as a friend and not as a date try to enjoy yourself. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. This is not the only chance you will have to be out and proud so don’t overthink it. Do what feels right.

I encourage you to join TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org) which is a safe online social networking site run by the Trevor Project for LGBTQ youth between the ages of 13 to 24. As part of this supportive community, you will have the chance to reach out to other people who maybe going through similar experiences as you and get ideas of how you can deal with your situation.

Amanda, thank you for writing to us. It takes a lot to be so open and honest about something that is troubling you. Please write back whenever you feel like or if you feel like talking to someone call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. We are here to talk to you about anything that you are going through.

Take care of yourself and have fun at prom,

Trevor Staff