Ask Trevor

We have transitioned Ask Trevor into a broader, more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies.

Please check out our new FAQ page here: http://TrevorSupportCenter.org

psyduck confused

Question:

Hello.
I’m Victoria Rose and I have a few questions.
First of all, I appreciate your site and what your organization does. I find it fascinating, because, see the thing is, I’ve been gay since I was little and I’ve always hidden it from my mother who well, basically I’m her therapist and I know all about her, but I hide everything from her.
Everyone tells me that its not right to hide things from my parents but its one of those things you can’t just be all like “Yeah, I’m gay. Got a problem?” Well I should be able to and people should be able to accept it, but, we each have our own ways. I’d be more than happy to be out and proud but I’ve been bullied my whole life and I’ve always given off the vibe like I don’t care but there’s only so much a person can help. You’re looking at my tags and are thinking like WTF, but scared of lonely is a Beyonce song and Sasha Fierce is her alter ego. The point is, I’m tired of being me. I can’t reach out to new friends because everyone around has a stereotype of me embellished in their heads that I’m loud and violent, when I’m not. I’m just really scared of living in today’s society since we’re all closed minded. The few friends i have know I’m gay and we’re not on speaking terms at the moment. I just don’t know what the hells going on.

Letter submitted by: Victoria

Answer:

Hello Victoria Rose,

It sounds like you have a lot of really stressful things going on right now. It must be hard not to be on speaking terms with your friends and to have to be your mother’s therapist but to not be able to tell her anything. It also must be hard to come to the point where you would say that you are “tired of being me”. Afraid of Lonely must be a very appropriate description for how you must be feeling. It can definitely get tiring always having to hold up the walls you build when you try maintain the vibe that you don’t care to the world. In your letter it sounds like you really do care but are afraid of showing it because of the bullying. Please know that you have the right to feel safe and that you can be yourself and no one has the right to bully you in any way. Are there any trusted adults in your school that you would feel comfortable talking to about the bullying? Examples could include a favorite teacher, a guidance councilor, a coach, or even the principal. I have attached several resources on the bottom which may be useful for you in dealing with bullying.

It is great that you were able to figure out your sexuality and come out to your friends. That can be very hard to do and incredibly stressful when you do not know how they will react. It also must be stressful to keep your sexuality from your parents but it is your decision for when you want to come out to them. You want to make sure that you feel safe doing so and that it could not hurt you (i.e. them kicking you out). If you would like some help coming out I have attached a few resources at the bottom from people who have come out before that you might find helpful. You also say that you have trouble making new friends because everyone thinks that you are loud and violent. Do you know why they would have gotten this idea? Thinking about this might help you to figure out how to change that image people have of you to reflect more the real you that is not violent and loud. Even so high school is not forever. You will graduate and move on and make new and better friends and meet so many new people and have so many new. In just a few more years it will not matter what people thought of you in high school so do not let that get you down too much. This must be a very confusing time for you; you have a lot going on and a lot of stress. But like Sasha Fierce, you have the power to be strong and make it through this.

 

Here are a few additional resources you might find helpful.

http://www.gsanetwork.org/resources

http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/storage/advfy/documents/lesbian.pdf

http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out

http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions

Trevor Staff