Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Should I Ask Her?


I Have a Big Crush on this girl at school but im not sure if shes gay or not Ive noticed sometimes when we’re in a group with other friends she stares at me for a while and when I look at her she sorta looks away there was one time when I sorta over heard a conversation where she was talking about her crushes and im not sure if I heard wrong or not but I think it was about a girl I told one of my friends tht I liked and she told me she was pretty sure she was gay and that I should ask the problem is that I dont know how exactly to ask her I dont want to creep her out and make her hate me or Make it too obvious that I like her so please help I really dont know what to do




Dear Maria,

It can be frustrating when you like someone, but do not know their sexual orientation. Even though you and your friend suspect that she is attracted to girls, finding out from her is the only way to know for certain. I understand that you may be worried about asking her out directly. It can be very scary to take the leap and ask someone on a date.

I think a good idea would be spending time with this girl. You don’t have to ask her out on a date right away. When you are with her in a group of friends, find out if there are any interests you have in common. For example, if you both like art or science, you can invite her to come with you to a museum. Even if you have trouble finding out what you have in common, you can invite her to hang out somewhere, like the mall. This way, you are inviting her to do something with you as a friend, with no romantic undertones. While you are spending time together, you can use this as an opportunity to find out more about her, including if she is attracted to you. You don’t have to ask her about her sexual orientation directly, but instead, you can tell her about your involvement in any kind of LGBT clubs or organization, or something as simple as your thoughts about an LGBT character in a book or movie. This could be an opportunity for her to let you know her thoughts on LGBT people.

It was very brave of you to ask for help with your problem. I hope that you found this response helpful. If you want to ask more or another question, feel free to write to Ask Trevor again. If you need to speak to someone over the phone, you may contact the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR. This is free and there are counselors available on the Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You may also be interested in joining TrevorSpace (https://www.trevorspace.org/). This is a social networking site for LGBT youth and their allies.

We wish you all the best,

The Trevor Team