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Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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So Alone

Question:

Lately I’ve felt so alone I don’t talk to anyone anymore. I haven’t been eating a lot I don’t go to school anymore I just sit at home and lay in bed. I don’t have any motivation to do anything anymore. I just want to be alone all the time I have no more friends– I’ve cut all my friendships off and I can feel myself starting to cut my family off too.

I just feel like I’m drifting through space all alone and that ever so slowly, I’m dying. I just don’t want to go on in life anymore. I feel so alone, so cut off from everything around me. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do anymore.

 

Answer:

 

Hello Joe,

Thank you so much for your bravery and courage in writing in to Ask Trevor. First and foremost, if you ever feel like you are going to harm yourself, please tell someone. If there is no one that you can talk to because you feel alone, please call us at the Trevor Lifeline (1.866.488.7386)– we are always here to just talk, for whatever reason!

How you are feeling is not unusual and in fact there seem to be a few emotions that you are experiencing, including loneliness, fear, decreased appetite and having no motivation. Not being hungry and having no motivation could very well be physical manifestations of feeling alone while the fear can be an emotional response. What is really important is to understand why you feel alone. Talking it out with another person can really help with this – a friend, parent, school teacher, counselor or principal that you trust maybe?

If you feel like there is no one, maybe you can ask yourself some questions? Why do I feel alone? Has something changed recently in my life that I am not used to? Do I feel like people are alienating me? Do I think other people are acting differently toward me? If you understand why you feel alone, maybe it will help you rebuild your relationships or even make new friends.

Alternatively, you can make a list of all the things that you still enjoy doing. By focusing on things you like to do, time might pass quicker, and you may not focus so much on the negative feelings of loneliness. What you enjoy doing may have even changed recently. This is a great thing, because it allows the opportunity to meet new people with similar interests.

Wanting to be alone is not a strange or abnormal thing. In fact, it is a great time for self-reflection and to give yourself some space and thoughts on who you really are as a person or who you would like to be. If you consider the old caterpillar and butterfly story, the caterpillar removes himself from the world and is alone within its cocoon. Soon enough, it comes back into the world as a beautiful butterfly.

I hope that you will soon be ready to be the butterfly that you deserve to be,
but if you do feel your emotions are terribly burdensome and ever feel like hurting yourself, please give us a call at the Trevor Lifeline – 1.866.488.7386.

Best Wishes!
Ask Trevor