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To be honest I always thought I was straight, I liked boys since I was young, I was a tomboy and did guy things, but I was always attracted to them and I didn’t think I would ever be attracted to girls.
Then around my sophomore year of high school I got into this TV show that had a lesbian couple, and I just really enjoyed. I began to think “what if I was gay?” (not because of the show though) I basically blew it off because I just thought I couldn’t be, and I knew my family wouldn’t accept me anyways. During the summer I began watching coming out stories on YouTube to see if they could help me if I was gay.
Then junior year, I basically lost most of my attraction towards men and shifted towards women. There was this girl in my math class and she was so stunning and I was instantly attracted to her (this has never happened, but I have thought girls were pretty or hot before) and when I liked this girl it basically felt like when I had crushes on guys. It was the same exact feeling, having butterflies around her and all.
And now, if when I talk about guys I feel so fake around my friends and parents. If I say “oh yeah he’s hot” I don’t mean it at all anymore and I feel like I’m putting on a act.
It all just feels so strange because I feel like most people knew since they were young and not in there teens so I come off as confused and hormonal. I don’t want to come out to anyone yet because I’m not sure if this is a phase or not.
I’m just really confused and I have no one to talk about this with, so if some of ya’ll could say whether you think I’m gay or not would be great and if you have any advice for me. Sorry that this letter is really long.
Letter submitted by:
You’re so courageous and strong! You have done a wonderful job identifying your feelings. With that said, what your feeling is completely normal and natural and you’re not alone. There are many other people out there in the world just like you. Having the same feelings of confusion, once liking the opposite sex and then becoming more attracted to the same sex. You’re definitely resourceful by going on to YouTube to watch other coming out stories. When you say you feel “fake” when stating that guys are hot you are having the same feelings many of your peers are having, and you know what? It’s completely normal! It’s not hormonal to feel strange.
I know you are asking us to tell you if your gay or not, but that’s not what we do. We would never tell someone that they are gay, that is something as an individual you have to discover and determine on your own. There is no rush, no pressure and no need to label oneself. If your not comfortable doing that it’s okay and normal. When the time is right you will know. If it turns out your not then you’ll know also. As far as coming out and not wanting to come out, the same goes with regards to that also. That is your choice, and you’ll do it when and if your ready. If your not comfortable coming out to family and friends that is okay too. There are many resources our there to help and guide you in the direction that you see fit. It’s okay to be confused sometimes, we all are sometimes, but in time the clouds clear and things start to make sense again.
You are very resourceful, so I am going to provide you with some great resources that may help you on your path to discovery. The first resource [ http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177 ] you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. Another resource you could try [ http://www.bisexual.org] you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. Furthermore, PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at [ http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf ] can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out. Okay now finally one more for ya, you might try Trevorspace for support and help with your questions – “TrevorSpace at [ www.trevorspace.org. ] It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.
One more thing, sometimes the best thing is to find a trusted adult you can talk to about these questions you are having. Talking with a trusted adult like a school counselor, principal, teacher, trusted friend, or even a trusted relative may help you. But if you still feel as though you have no one to talk to, you can also always call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR.
With that said, we are always here for you, and don’t ever feel like you letter is too long, it is okay! Write away!