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Stuck in New Zealand with no one to Call

Question:

Hi,
I know I’m not in America but I have nowhere left to turn. I have no one to talk to.
I’m bisexual and I have known for about 3 years. Boys and Girls turn me on. I live at boarding school in a dormitory with 50 other teenage boys. Talk about a hormone-fest. It’s really frustrating for me, I’m not even kidding when I say the walk round in boxer briefs all day. As a 16-year old male this is really really a problem for me because of the whole bisexual issue. I get so sexually frustrated that I just dont know how to deal with it at times. I have no way to release my emotions towards them because they are all straight.
I have had depression before and I think I’m slowly moving on. I got to a stage where I have cut before. I havent in a long time. I havent really thought about suicide much but it has occured to me before. I have no one to talk to about any of this. I can’t ring because of im not in America. I dont even know if i can send this to you since im not in america. I can’t come out because I have to live with them. I’m so lost

Im sorry for my terrible typing and lying about which state I am in… I just have nowhere else to turn

Answer:

Hi Stuck in New Zealand!

First, no apologies necessary for the “horrible” typing (really, it wasn’t that bad). That’s the last thing we worry about here at Trevor. As for the alleged “lying”, let’s not call it a lie. Let’s think of it as a small “fib”. And one that’s completely understandable given what you’re facing. I’m just glad that you made the effort to reach out to us, because we’re here to help you!

16 is a rough age. As you so perfectly put it, it’s a “hormone fest”. Your body and brain are changing so fast it’s impossible to keep up! On top of all that, you’ve made a very important discovery about yourself — you’re bisexual. Before I go any further, let me just take a moment to congratulate you on being so honest with yourself. Being bisexual is completely natural and there is nothing wrong with it. But a lot of people don’t have the courage or the smarts to be that open with themselves, especially at 16! Such self-discovery will only make for a happier and healthier adulthood, so take a moment to realize what a great thing you’ve done for yourself!

But that doesn’t solve the problem of what you should do right now.First, you need to find an adult that you can confide in. Is there a teacher or counselor that you like and trust? Or, is there anyone in your family, a parent, brother or sister, aunt or uncle that you can write or call? Is your school in a town with a Gay & Lesbian Center or any type of Gay Youth Services? (a quick Google search will tell you). I also VERY cautiously ask if there is a close friend at school that you can talk to? I say “VERY cautiously” as your safety is our #1 concern. I do not know what the boys at that school are like, and we do not want you to do anything that might put you in harms way.

Besides talking, you need some online resources where you can privately find helpful information and people to email or ichat with. On http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. There’s also TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

I’m also going to suggest some things that might sound silly but that I think will really help: do you play any sports? Team sports or, if that’s too intimidating, solo sports like running and swimming will really help you burn off a lot of steam. Also, get involved in school projects. Maybe the school paper or a club or a school play. You need to find healthy ways to divert all of that pent up energy and to help you focus on things other than your dorm mates.

I know that you feel isolated and alone right now, but hang in there and soon you will be in college where everything will be different (and by the way, all those things I just suggested will help you get into a good college). For the most part people are more mature and accepting there. You will be able to seek out and make friends with other LBGTQ (remember, the “B” stand for “Bi”) men and women, and you can be out to whomever you wish. Just be patient!

Let me close by saying that only a few weeks ago gay marriage was made legal in New Zealand. That is a big deal. It proves that no matter what you are seeing or feeling in your school, New Zealand – and the world – are changing. Time is on your side. You may feel “stuck in New Zealand” right now, but the future is yours for the taking!

Trevor Staff