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Supporting what I believe in?

Question:

Right now I’m having several issues with my family, especially my mom. I am bisexual since I think that going out with a girl would be just as great as dating a guy (I haven’t ever had a girlfriend though since I am too scared to ask a girl out… especially since I don’t think she is bi or a lesbian =( ). I haven’t told anyone in my family but my sister, who is really understanding, but i don’t think I can ever tell my mom.
I also really support the fight for gay/lesbian rights. Its the only political thing I am truly passionate about. Even if I’m not a complete lesbian, really see this as an important problem. Of course, my mom doesn’t understand why I care so much since she doesn’t know about me. Right now I am writing a book, a sci fi/action/adventure/romance sort of story where the main characters are two gay couples. I write and draw these characters a lot since I really love them. My mother finds this super weird. She doesn’t understand at all why I am so interested in the subject. I feel really contradicted, I want to do what I love and write this book or draw these pictures, but I don’t think i can ever show my mother since she freaked when I just drew two guys holding hands…
I know my mom doesn’t think being gay is a sin or anything, she’s just not comfortable with it. I understand, but it makes it really hard to want to be an artists or writer, or even tell her that I’m bisexual since I don’t want my mom not to approve of what I do…
I have this problem with friends, since I don’t really have a close enough friend to talk about this, so that’s why I’m writing to you… I really don’t know where else to go, I’m just tired of feeling like I’m doing something wrong by supporting gays and lesbians…

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now, but at the same time, it seems that you have a good understanding of who you are, and that is not always easy to figure out. It’s great that you have discovered your sexuality and that you are continuously open to exploring it. It is awesome that you have a sister who is understanding and supportive. It can be pretty confusing trying to figure out who to tell about your sexual orientation and when to tell them, so having someone that you’re close to who is by your side and who supports you is so great for when you’re thinking about telling others.

 

It is so wonderful to hear that you are passionate about gay and lesbian rights. It takes all kinds of people to make progress in the fight for equality, and it is great that you are involved in helping to gain equality for all. Your book sounds amazing, and it must be really special for you to work on and to keep developing the story and your drawings. You sound very talented! Your mom might not understand your attachment to the characters that you are creating, but that might be true with any characters you create. It seems troublesome to you that in this specific instance she doesn’t quite get it, and that she wonders about the gay characters that you’re creating.

 

It’s hard when you discover your true self and you want to be able to be you as you are and be accepted by others for who you are. It’s especially true with family and friends. It seems that your mom might not quite understand your sexuality or bisexuality in general. You say that she doesn’t think being gay is a sin, so that’s something at least. Her not being comfortable with LGBT issues or people might be from not having known a lot of LGBT people. It’s hard to be comfortable with something that seems strange or out of the ordinary, but you might be able to help her realize that being LGBT isn’t really strange or out of the ordinary, it’s just different from what she knows and it doesn’t need to be scary. It might take a while or forever before you do feel comfortable discussing your sexuality with your mom or with others, but because you do know who you are and you are comfortable with you, you are already one step ahead. You can always write to Ask Trevor for more help or to just talk about things. I wonder if you are able to talk about some things with your sister too? She seems to be open-minded and supportive, so that could also be a starting point for you if you feel comfortable doing so.

 

One last thing that I hope you understand is that you are a very strong individual, and your passion and support of LGBT people and the issues we all face make you a fighter. There is nothing wrong with you or with your creative self or with your passion for equality for all. You are doing nothing wrong by being bisexual or by supporting LGBT rights or by creating LGBT characters in your book. Again, some people might not fully understand, and a lot of times that comes from just not knowing and being scared of the unknown.

 

Good luck with your book, and be in touch as needed.

 

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff