Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

trying to stay strong


my family found out about my sexuality… they hate me for it. all of them… I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and they try to keep me from him or any sort of “temptation” every day. I used to struggle with suicidal urges but after a long struggle I managed to get out of it though these days its taking more and more self control to keep myself away from a blade. I want to run away I REALLY want to but if I do my boyfriend would be so worried about me and I don’t want to put him through that kind of pain. there’s no one but him and God I can count on. so what can I do? is there anywhere I can go?

Letter submitted by:


Hi Eli,

Thanks for your email, you’ve taken a big step by expressing your feelings in this letter and Trevor is always here for you. Your letter is important so let’s talk about each of the points you mentioned.

Its great that you are in a relationship in which you feel supported. Different relationships have different nuances, and many couples have longer distances than they would ideally like. It sounds like its a caring relationship and its good that you are considering your relationship as one of the positive factors in your life.

The current state of your family matters are imperfect; but remember that every person’s life has imperfections. You’re a brave and strong person to face the challenges of your home life. Its never wrong to feel the way you feel and it seems that in your current situation, the people around you aren’t as open-minded or as supportive as they could be. People react to different situations in different ways, and I’m sure they don’t “hate me”. They are probably confused or uncertain and could handle it in a way that’s better for you. But know that you are special, regardless of whatever or wherever people say. Family is a group you’re born into or a group of your choosing. As you make your way in the world and meet more people, those that you consider “family” will evolve and grow. A great place to meet people is: https://www.trevorspace.org/

You also mentioned “running away” and the “blade”. If you are in the midst of a challenging situation, neither of those things (nor drugs or alcohol) are actual solutions. Eli, you are special, you are unique, you are wonderful. Focus on things that you like that are positive and bring you happiness. That can be photography, writing, singing, a sport or interest group. You can look into http://blog.bronxlgbtqcenter.org/ and http://www.bronxhouse.org/teens-and-tweens. On the other side of the spectrum is getting involed at a local senior center, like http://www.bronxworks.org/senior-centers. You are smart and articulate and I’m sure that you’d be great at many different hobbies, whether its something you pursue on your own or as part of a group.

Thanks for your email and sharing your story. The current situation is one episode in the longer series of your life. There are positive things in your current environment, focus on those and grow with additional uplifting things that will add to your world. There are other things that aren’t ideal, but everyone has challenges that they learn from and move beyond. Remember that you’re special and Trevor loves you. We are always here for you and if you want to talk, call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386)].
Trevor Staff