Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

trying to stay strong

Question:

my family found out about my sexuality… they hate me for it. all of them… I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and they try to keep me from him or any sort of “temptation” every day. I used to struggle with suicidal urges but after a long struggle I managed to get out of it though these days its taking more and more self control to keep myself away from a blade. I want to run away I REALLY want to but if I do my boyfriend would be so worried about me and I don’t want to put him through that kind of pain. there’s no one but him and God I can count on. so what can I do? is there anywhere I can go?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi Eli,

Thanks for your email, you’ve taken a big step by expressing your feelings in this letter and Trevor is always here for you. Your letter is important so let’s talk about each of the points you mentioned.

Its great that you are in a relationship in which you feel supported. Different relationships have different nuances, and many couples have longer distances than they would ideally like. It sounds like its a caring relationship and its good that you are considering your relationship as one of the positive factors in your life.

The current state of your family matters are imperfect; but remember that every person’s life has imperfections. You’re a brave and strong person to face the challenges of your home life. Its never wrong to feel the way you feel and it seems that in your current situation, the people around you aren’t as open-minded or as supportive as they could be. People react to different situations in different ways, and I’m sure they don’t “hate me”. They are probably confused or uncertain and could handle it in a way that’s better for you. But know that you are special, regardless of whatever or wherever people say. Family is a group you’re born into or a group of your choosing. As you make your way in the world and meet more people, those that you consider “family” will evolve and grow. A great place to meet people is: https://www.trevorspace.org/

You also mentioned “running away” and the “blade”. If you are in the midst of a challenging situation, neither of those things (nor drugs or alcohol) are actual solutions. Eli, you are special, you are unique, you are wonderful. Focus on things that you like that are positive and bring you happiness. That can be photography, writing, singing, a sport or interest group. You can look into http://blog.bronxlgbtqcenter.org/ and http://www.bronxhouse.org/teens-and-tweens. On the other side of the spectrum is getting involed at a local senior center, like http://www.bronxworks.org/senior-centers. You are smart and articulate and I’m sure that you’d be great at many different hobbies, whether its something you pursue on your own or as part of a group.

Thanks for your email and sharing your story. The current situation is one episode in the longer series of your life. There are positive things in your current environment, focus on those and grow with additional uplifting things that will add to your world. There are other things that aren’t ideal, but everyone has challenges that they learn from and move beyond. Remember that you’re special and Trevor loves you. We are always here for you and if you want to talk, call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386)].
Trevor Staff