Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

What can I do?

Question:

I’m confused on where to go from where i’m at ever since i came out in 7th grade my mom has never really accepted me she doesnt even believe i’m gay she always says things that are hurtful critizes my friends and makes me feel like im worthless. I’m allowed to date but I don’t think i’m allowed to date a girl but I am and if she were to find out I think she would flip and kick me out and disown me so i dont know where to go from here no matter what I do nothing is good enough.

 

Answer:

 

Hello Jaden,

Thank you for writing to us, you’ve taken the first step in figuring out where to go from where you are. You should know that no one has a right to diminish you or your identity, whether it’s a friend, a teacher, or even a parent. Coming out is a brave and challenging decision for anyone and you deserve to have the support and love that you need to navigate this time in your life.

Is there a trusted adult in your life you can speak with: an aunt, uncle or grandparent, or a teach or guidance counselor? Try to identify a support system that you can speak to about these issues with your mother and more importantly a safe space to go to if you need it. Additionally, you may find useful information in the Resource Guide to Coming Out available at http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out. If you decide in the future you are comfortable discussing your sexuality with your mother you may want to recommend she visit the support page on PFLAG’s website for more information specifically for parents: http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539.

We are here to help you, Jaden, and you can speak to a counselor whenever you may need to by calling the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. You may also find it helpful to visit Trevor Space, a safe social networking site for LGBTQ youth (13-24) their friends and allies. You may end up chatting with other people just like you who are going through or have gone through what you are dealing with now. This might seem like a difficult time right now, but it is also an exciting time and you deserve to be embraced for coming out. Look to friends and family for support and know that we at Trevor Project whenever or however you may need us.