Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

What can I do?

Question:

I’m confused on where to go from where i’m at ever since i came out in 7th grade my mom has never really accepted me she doesnt even believe i’m gay she always says things that are hurtful critizes my friends and makes me feel like im worthless. I’m allowed to date but I don’t think i’m allowed to date a girl but I am and if she were to find out I think she would flip and kick me out and disown me so i dont know where to go from here no matter what I do nothing is good enough.

 

Answer:

 

Hello Jaden,

Thank you for writing to us, you’ve taken the first step in figuring out where to go from where you are. You should know that no one has a right to diminish you or your identity, whether it’s a friend, a teacher, or even a parent. Coming out is a brave and challenging decision for anyone and you deserve to have the support and love that you need to navigate this time in your life.

Is there a trusted adult in your life you can speak with: an aunt, uncle or grandparent, or a teach or guidance counselor? Try to identify a support system that you can speak to about these issues with your mother and more importantly a safe space to go to if you need it. Additionally, you may find useful information in the Resource Guide to Coming Out available at http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out. If you decide in the future you are comfortable discussing your sexuality with your mother you may want to recommend she visit the support page on PFLAG’s website for more information specifically for parents: http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=539.

We are here to help you, Jaden, and you can speak to a counselor whenever you may need to by calling the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. You may also find it helpful to visit Trevor Space, a safe social networking site for LGBTQ youth (13-24) their friends and allies. You may end up chatting with other people just like you who are going through or have gone through what you are dealing with now. This might seem like a difficult time right now, but it is also an exciting time and you deserve to be embraced for coming out. Look to friends and family for support and know that we at Trevor Project whenever or however you may need us.