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Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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what should i do

Question:

There is this boy who has been my friend since my freshmen year. He acts like all gay with me but also around others. But I really love him and he is always telling me that he does too. Please help, what should I do?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

It sounds like you and your friend might have strong feelings for one another and these feelings are perfectly natural and normal. These feelings can bring excitement and happiness, but also fear and confusion. What if he really doesn’t like me? What if he is just playing? What would happen if I told him how I feel? What would other people say if they knew? There are a lot of questions to ask yourself because the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe.

What you might think of doing first is talking to someone you trust about this. Pick someone you feel safe with, who you know will respect you and your privacy. Think about talking through your desires and fears and doubts. Try and think about what could happen if you tell this boy how you feel. Would he out you to others, to your family and friends at school? Is being out okay right now in your life or not? Would you be safe at home and at school if you were out? Your question is really about what to do with your strong feelings towards another young man, but it is important to think about the consequences for both of you if this information was public knowledge. And again, the most important thing is that you remain safe and comfortable.

That all being said, being in love is a wonderful thing! We want to direct you towards a few websites so you can have access to more information about loving someone of the same gender and coming out. Here are a few websites you can check out: 1) http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 and 2) http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf.

We want you to know that we are here for you as you continue to go through the process of discovering who you are and who you love.  You can also reach out to LGBTQ youth ages 13 to 24 on Trevor Space at www.trevorspace.org. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexual orientation. Remember, you are not alone, we are always here for you!

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff