Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

What’s Next?



I wrote a letter a few months ago and your response was very helpful, and made me feel so much better. You mentioned that coming out doesn’t need to be an obligation and it also shouldn’t be rushed. I think I was pushing myself too hard to label my feelings even though I’m not ready to classify myself just yet. I’m really still trying to figure my feelings out. But I’m not connected to anyone in the LGBT community, I don’t know anyone personally who is gay, and I don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this… so I feel like I’m at a stalemate. I feel like I’ve been stuck for a while now because I don’t know who to talk to or where to go from here. I want to get connected to the LGBT community, but I’m very introverted and I don’t really know how to get started… I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about finding a counselor or someone who specializes in LGBT concerns and I’m wondering if that would be a good idea or not. I think I really need help figuring this out but I really don’t know who to go to.




Dear Jessica,
We are so glad you wrote back to give us to give us an update on how far you have come! It sounds like you are truly learning to accept your feelings for as true and valid as they are. It sounds like you are practicing empathy towards yourself to remain patient as you search for your true and authentic self, whether that be through labels and/or your community. This journey takes different amounts of time for different people, and many people continue to search, grow and adjust their identities and communities their whole lives! Please know, we at the Trevor Project, are always here for you during this time, whether it be on Chat, Text or the Lifeline. You could also try connecting with LGBTQ+ peers and allies on TrevorSpace.org!
Reaching out for help, whether it be to a counselor or to someone else, is a very brave and exciting step towards getting the support you need. Many people find that having a safe space to talk about their feelings is very healing and can bring clarity to deeply set issues. You might be able to find a counselor who specializes in the LGBTQ+ population at Psychology Today or on GLBTnearme.org. You might also be able to find a counselor through your college’s student services on campus.
Know that we are always here for you, Jessica. We are so excited for you to learn and grow in this next chapter of your life!! As Tony Schwartz once said, “Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”
With love and support,
Ask Trevor